Worried

I woke up again this morning with no bladder pain. Prior to yesterday, I had had bladder pain every single morning around 5:30am since BEFORE the transfer.

I'm worried.

And I'm worried the beta won't be enough to calm my fears. That it will be high enough to give me hope and make it look like everything is okay, but I still won't have my normal symptoms and so then I'll convince myself that something is terribly wrong.

I'm going to try to test the limits of my not-quite-indigestion this morning and 'not' eat any Saltines. Hopefully, I will be miserably nauseas and that will convince me that everything's okay.

I hate being this way, but I can't help it. I rely on those symptoms. I guess waking up in the night meant more to me than I thought. And now I feel like I have nothing. I know this sounds crazy and irrational, but I just had to get my thoughts out, so hopefully I can move on and still have a productive day. I'll be plugging in my beta later today to chart the 'doubling' rate. I'd appreciate any positive energy you could send.