Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

I'm home. Have been for hours. But the drive here must have taken it out of me, because I'm just now to the point where the laptop doesn't make me hurl. So, I've mostly been sleeping. Had to take a sick day, which kills me. We only get 3. I just had to be honest with myself.

The pizza has been ordered to arrive at 5:15pm (doctor pushed it back on me). I broke down and had a piece of toast this afternoon. No butter or anything, but my tummy really seemed to respond to the one they gave me at breakfast, so I thought I'd try it again. Fortified me somehow.

The window repair man - one of like 9 repair men we've had to come to the house in the past few weeks since the buyers' home inspection - is due to arrive around 4:40pm. I'll be in the basement so I'm sure he won't bother me. I just hope he's not in DH's way this evening. He's replacing one window in our kitchen, office, and nursery. So, we can shut the door behind him and then he shouldn't have to worry about tripping over the boys. Plus, they'll be eating when they first get home, then DH is taking them to one of his friends from work's house to pick up our dog who we gave this weekend, but its not working out. So, that one item that had been crossed off our list is now back on the list of crap we absolutely have to get done before we move. Boo.

Ok, that's enough thinking for today. Thanks for your support and kind words. I am so pathetic this time around. So weak. And tired. And dizzy. I don't know how people do this for weeks at a time for rounds of chemo. I am so lucky I just have this one treatment.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

One Step at a Time

I'd like to rush and multi-task and have that somehow speed up this schedule, but I can only get through this one step at a time.

I have to admit.

It's harder this time.

I'm more tired. Exhausted, really. After the injections started, all I can do is lay in bed. My poor husband had an even earlier start to my being no help (which we were expecting to start when I left for radiation). I can't stand. I can't pull myself out of bed. I just want to be laying down all the time. I can't even watch tv. I just lay here with my eyes closed.

I'm dizzy. When I stand. Even when I'm laying down and I move my head too fast.

I'm nauseas. I broke down and took the anti-nausea meds yesterday, which I never needed last time. My stomach is just churching. And I feel like I constantly need to go to the bathroom. And all this fruits is giving me tremendous gas.

I'm drooling more. I think I had this last time, too. It drips out onto my pillow or whatever surface on which my head has fallen. And it chokes me.

It really is harder this time. It's so bad that for the first time, I actually feel like I have cancer.

I go to the hospital tomorrow. I hope to eat normal food starting at noon on Tuesday. I am looking forward to a Papa John's pizza. Cheese. Large. With Garlic Butter Sauce.

This may not end up being the case, but I somehow associate eating real food with feeling better.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Radiation Scheduled

Well, my TSH was only 9, so they wanted to push my treatment back. But because of the move and all the scheduling issues surrounding that, they are going to give me thyrogin injections this weekend (Saturday and Sunday) and I should be ready to go for my treatment on Monday, the 15th. Which means I should be able to hold my boys again no later than the 22nd.

Thank GOODNESS because I'm SO ready to be off this darn diet. I see a Pepperoni Pan Pizza in my future! And a lot of starving between now and then.

Today, I have consumed
  • Orange Juice
  • Mountain Dew
  • A Banana
  • A small salad of baby spinach/olive oil/balsamic vinegar/roasted almonds/strawberries
  • Homemade low-iodine roasted vegetable/boiled chicken soup with matza crackers
  • Water

How can I be gaining weight you ask with such low caloric intake? Well, apparently, your thyroid is responsible for your metabolism. And not only does eating hardly anything slow down your metabolism, but your absence of thyroid meds will do that also. So, no weight loss pour moi.

I had a great day working with my new boss today on budgets. He told me it was so nice to have a partner. Love it!

After we quit for the day, I drove over to our new condo to pick up my pre-radiation prescriptions at what will be my new local pharmacy. And the pharmacist was SO nice, knew my name, greeted me by name, chatted me up. He did this with everyone. The people here are SO friendly - except when they're driving ;-) The commute was about 35 minutes, which is a little long but not too bad. I have about 50 other routes to try. No highway, just stoplights. And I tried the grocery store right there. It was small. Are all Tom Thumb's tiny and old? And do they not have self check out in Texas? We shall see....

Hired the movers today. Big step.

All of the multi-tasking which I'm used to doing is hard to do without that metabolism thing, too. I have such a foggy brain. I booked airline tickets under the wrong name, so had to sit on hold with Southwest forever, but they were very kind in fixing it for me. I kept using the wrong dates when getting our corp. secretary to book hotel reservations for me. And I just felt really stressed, like there was too much going on for me to keep it all straight. Just 1.5 more days of budgets, and then I should be back in my own office where I can turn off some of the background noise. Sigh. I H.A.T.E. that this medical issue impairs me in any way mentally. But I know it does. I'm just really scattered. Flaky. And yet constantly feel stimulated. Like I'm on the verge of a headache and my mind won't stop racing. But not about any one thing. Like about everything. Ok, enough thinking about that.

Miss my boys. Excited to go home in a few days. Excited to bring them back with me next time.

Monday, March 8, 2010

low iodine diet - day 6

Sitting in my hotel room in Dallas. I'm here for 4 days....and I LOVE IT!!! I love the people. I love the vibe. I love what I'm doing. I love working with my new boss. Who I loved working with before, but was somewhat worried about how things would be when I was his employee, not just his friend or a member of the corporate staff.

I'm giving myself 15 minutes to update here before calling DH.

S.U.X. But I am trying to not dream about sinking my teeth into a burger, or fries, or bread, or anything else I love and cannot have. But I will definitely be having all of those things and more when I can. Even the new pacific shrimp tacos at taco bell look good at this point, and I don't think I would normally crave shellfish from a fast food joint.

So, today, I have consumed the following: 1 glass of orange juice, an orange, a small spinach salad with homemade dressing of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and sugar with strawberries and toasted almonds (yum!), baby carrots with no.salt.added peanut butter, cinnamon applesauce, and a Sprite.

I brought with me to my hotel other foods like more fruit, potatoes, and some homemade low-iodine roasted vegetable soup which is kinda good with some crumbled up matzah crackers. Almost as good as tomato soup with saltines. That's who desperate you get for food on this diet.

As you can see by the quantity of food consumed above, I'd rather just go hungry. You may notice my dinner was carrots and applesauce. I think my sons had more calories today.

Aforementioned love of food is why I would have loved for the hospital to have called me back this afternoon, to tell me which day I can have my treatment next week, or even I guess if I can have it next week, if my levels were high enough today. I had a blood test this morning before hopping on the company plane. It felt like the world stood still for me for a minute there. President and VP of my company on stand by, waiting for my call, to meet them at the airport.

Anyway, still hoping for treatment next Monday or Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest, which would mean I could eat real food again next Thursday at noon.

Jack has had loose bowel movements since Friday. He seems like he feels find, but even the old BRAT diet isn't working. He's had it all. Bananas. Rice cereal. Applesauce. Toast. Still loose. Keep trying to decide whether or not to take him to the doctor. He seems to feel fine?! The boys have their 4-week follow up swine flu shot on Friday, so maybe we'll just wait until then to ask. I don't know. The follow up shot is normally a junior nurses' assistant, so probably not into getting advice from her. Maybe I'll call on Thursday if he hasn't changed to solid by then. It's such a fine line between being a worry wart over-reacting parent and negligent.

Will has a cough, which I fear may lead to sinus infection. I'm constantly analyzing his sucking and coughing and tugging anywhere near his head for signs its come back.

DH and I worked tirelessly on our basement this weekend, sorting unpacking and repacking. Items for garage sale. Items to move. Items to throw or give away. It was like a bad HGTV special. And EXHAUSTING. Being off my meds, having the boys there with us, and knowing we can't put it off because there just aren't enough days left before the movers will arrive.

I need to call the movers to get that contract signed and get them scheduled. Our lease has progressed. Realtor received our application fee today and hand delivered it to the leasors' office. Hoping to know tomorrow or Wednesday if we have any problems there. Shouldn't. But there's always a chance.

Lots of work has already been done to our home, and there is more to come. All the crap we need to do to pacify the buyers, who have every right, but I have every right to resent it because its money we're spending on something that was good enough for us, but somehow not for them, plus I'm just cheap and want to get out of the house as cheap as possible. Electricians were there Friday. Chimney measurements Saturday. Glass guy sometime in there, too. Chimney guys are due back tomorrow to install whatever was leaking. Roofers next week. Etc. Etc. Etc.

You can see why I'm excited to have this time in my hotel room with the tv off just listening to the keyboard and the mini fridge. A few moments to call my own when I don't feel compelled to do something productive.

But....maybe I should review that moving contact one.more.time. ;-)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

low iodine diet - Day 1

Hating the diet. Today was the first day. Smoothie for breakfast. Strawberry salad for lunch. Beef recipe for dinner was crap, so I ended up eating matzo pb and j. One and a half.

We were in Dallas looking for a new home this weekend. Being off my thyroid replacement makes me tired, and this time with all the other stuff going on right now, I am also emotionally drained. So, I would be excited to look in the morning but by late afternoon almost in tears regretting my decision to move there. Our realtor was gret. We covered lots of ground. And today I think we agreed on one. I was struggling over trying to find the total package in just 3 days - on our budget! Location. Space. Finish. Appliances. Pool. Washer/dryer. All these things you don't worry about when you own your own home. Getting there in person made me confront how we get the boys from our car to the condo and vice versa. This would have been so much simpler without kids. But I wouldn't want it any other way. So, long story short, I am finally excited about Dallas, excited about where we are going to live. Finally. I have been excited about the job forever, but am finally now starting to picture our life there. Finally.

Lots to do in 4 weeks. I figured out tonight I need to start a project plan like what I use when we acquire businesses. Then, I will feel organized. There's just so much to coordinate. Utilities off. Mail forwarded. Oh, and the repairs needed from our home inspection. I'm waiting for 2 more estimates on movers. Seriously, like 7 different repair-type people. Electrician. Roofer. Glass replacement. HVAC. Lots of petty little things, and it won't amount to much money but its going to require mid-day trips home to meet repair men. Sigh.

The boys are standing and smiling. Both clapping and babbling. We're working on more solids. Less gagging. And sippy cups.