Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday

So, I'm sitting on the couch surfing the internet for pics of a fertility goddess to post here, because 1) I am procrastinating from getting ready to go visit our first daycare center and 2) I think I looked like one in the mirror this morning. But they are all so horribly distasteful with either grossly exaggerated breasts or ginormous fat rolls that I cannot honestly say I look THAT bad ... yet. But I'm sure you could see the resemblance.

Yesterday, we had dinner with DH's family about 30 minutes from here. His family is close, mine is far. It probably was good that I just saw my family last weekend. We came home from that dinner and enjoyed the afternoon/evening together. That was my favorite part of the whole day, just hanging out on the couch with him. Even though we cannot feel them kick on the outside, he still likes to touch by belly and gets a sappy smile on his face whenever it pokes out of my clothes.

Today, my DH is at work, but he is taking Sat, Sun, Mon off and we are headed to Branson for a few nights alone. Yay for us! I have to work in Springfield on Monday, so its a win win deal for us. I have not made our hotel or cabin arrangements yet because I wanted to see how I felt. I think the worst of my cold is over, so I'm going to go ahead and book something today. This being the holiday weekend, I hope we don't get stuck at some Cardboard Inn.

Before he left, I had him drag all the Christmas stuff out of the basement. I am thinking of purging some of the things I don't use anymore. For example, stuff I've received as gifts that just don't fit in our home, and even an entire room of decor that used to be the spare bedroom, but is now the nursery and so it won't match. But all of that will have to wait until this afternoon. I've put a few things up, and my biggest challenge is the mantel. We just had our mantel built this summer, so it is the first time I've gotten to decorate it, and we have vaulted ceilings in this room, so I have to have tall things, and things that hang, and its a bit of a challenge. This may take weeks. Weeks that I don't really have, because I should be shopping for other people and getting that list completed, not buying for myself!

I am procrastinating on getting ready to go visit this daycare center because I just don't think there is a snowball's chance we could ever afford a center for twins. I did propose to DH's aunt yesterday that she maybe watch the kids a couple of days a week in our home this summer, which she said she would do, but she didn't bring it up again after we first discussed it before dinner. I think I will keep checking out our other options (in home, or in our home with a nanny), and even see if the centers in our area offer part time fee schedules before I bring it up again. She is a school teacher, and a fabulous woman who would be a wonderful influence on our kids. We could pay her a little something, but the whole point would be to save money, so it woudln't be much. Tough call. As a rule, I hate to ask favors of or do business with family, because I just have heard too many stories of how it can mess things up.

Ok, I'd better get some makeup on this face and get going to LPA. At this point, I'm hoping its a depressing place where I wouldn't choose to send my children, even if I did have the money. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

And the money will come from ... where?

So, today, I had my follow up OB appointment. Dr. C says the twins are both doing great. One is in the 96th percentile, the other in the 93rd. DH was concerned it was not perfect. At least I knew it was okay, but it was cute and sweet that he wanted his boys to be 100%!

Dr. C also said that I would for sure go early. First, he said 38 weeks, but then 35. Um, the earlier of those would be March 19. HOLY.FREAKING.OUT. I kind of needed the whole 40 weeks to get ready for them. So, reality has taken a major jump from yesterday.

I mean, I knew I could be on bed rest early. I knew there was a chance we could deliver early. But now the doctor is predicting it. He said it out loud, whereas before, he had said that he has had people go full term. And he's been totally spot on in all of his predictions with me so far. So, I'm planning on March 19 until I hear different.

So, I get back to the office and decide I need to get serious about calling all these daycare centers that I have had on a spreadsheet, but have never picked up the phone. My questions are kind of simple 1) do you take infants; 2) do you know whether or not you will have space for twin infants around May 1; and if yes to those, then 3) what is your fee schedule? and 4) what does that include?

HOLY.FREAKING.CRAP. The prices range from $190 - $230 per week, per child. Some places give a $5 discount per week for the second child. ARE.YOU.FREAKING.KIDDING.ME?

So, I don't want to skimp on childcare. I don't want this to be purely a money decision, but money is going to limit our options. If your math is like mine, then you can see that this would cost me a little over $1600/month. That's almost $20K a year! I forgot to ask if they offer a part time rate, so I will need to call them all back tomorrow to check, because if my DH changed his days off at work, or I worked from home at least one day, we might could get our need to 3 days which could save some serious dough. But I'm more than a little freaked out by the enormity of that dollar amount.

Nevertheless, because I do not want this decision to be solely based on dollars, I am going to visit the only one that I found that is open this Friday (most are closed for the Thanksgiving holiday). It also happens to be the most expensive, but its near our house, and I can visit during my day off and not take even more time off from work than I already do for my bi-weekly OB appointments. I will probably visit them all. All of the places our children will not be able to afford to go. And then I will call the in-home providers. Sigh.

In other, slightly less depressing news, my cold has progressed so that now I cannot leave a room without a Kleenex box attached to myself. Which means less pain in my throat, more pain on my nose. If I can just make it through tomorrow, then I will have the entire holiday weekend to recover. Which, while other people might feel their holiday is ruined, workaholic that I am, I feel this is a fortunate thing.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Alien Baby Pics

We had our first official sonogram today - and we are having two stinking boys! My husband is so proud, so excited, and I'm so happy for him. I'll save the pornographic shots for our family album, but below are some scary pictures of their little alien faces.

The boys were very active, and both measured about the same. They currently weigh about 11 ounces. Baby A was kicking Baby B in the head. I hope he doesn't come out damaged. The sono tech explained that the reason I haven't felt much movement is not only because the placenta is on top (I'm guessing that means up against the outside of my tummy) but also because there are two placentas, so I'm doubly insulated, so that made me feel better. I leaned over and told my sister See, its NOT just because I'm fat! I must say that even without that little tidbit, I have determined that she is thee very best sono tech in the whole entire world and that I will love seeing her every month.

Now that we know the genders the reality of this pregnancy has settled in just a bit more, but it is still rather surreal.

It's like this:

Have you ever seen the movie Flight Plan? I was watching it last week. This lady claims she has lost her child on the plane but no one can remember seeing the girl and the girl isn't on the flight manifest. Anyway, this is how I feel about this pregnancy, like I'm going to wake up and it won't have been real, and I will be the only one who remembers it, and people will treat me like a crazy person.

I had a great weekend with the fam in SD. My sister and niece were able to come to our appointment today. It was so nice to see the fam, but it was also nice to come home to my husband, and I'm definitely enjoying my down time this evening. The road trip was 8 hours each way, which made for a lot of time in the car. Totally worth it!

Unfortunately, I am coming down with a cold, so I have this post nasal drip that I must constantly swallow and has given me a scratchy throat.

18w 4d

Monday, November 17, 2008

Super Busy (17w 4d)

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I have been so super busy. Really.

In a totally and completely impromptu phenomena, my family is gathering this coming weekend in South Dakota. My sister is actually coming to stay with us for a few days, and then us girls are making the trip together. This was thought up and decided on Saturday. The rest of the family has had a few more days to get their thoughts and lives organized.

I had been so homesick for my family just the week before, this is truly a blessing. What's more. No one has ever been to visit us in our home. I have lived in KS for 9 years and no one has ever been to visit. Ever. So, this is huge for me.

Work is a crazy everyday schedule right now, which has contributed to my not having any time. I have meetings and travel every single day. This is my 4th month in a row, and the end is not for another few weeks. Last Monday was the first time I had sat at my desk, in my office, since October 8th.

The state approved our final home visit last week on Wednesday, so we are officially licensed foster parents now. We are still awaiting our first placement, which surprises me. I thought we would have been called by now. They had one placement of 3 kids for Thanksgiving weekend, but I have to travel for work that Sunday, and I thought it was a bit much to ask my husband to take on three kids by himself overnight. So, we had to turn that down.

I also had an OB appointment on Wednesday which was normal. We listened to the heartbeats, I asked a few questions. We have a real live sonogram appointment for this coming Monday, 11/24 and of course we're hoping to find out the genders at this appointment. My sister and niece are staying over to come to this appointment with us. I hope the kids aren't shy, and we do find out the sex that day. It would be a great memory for all of us.

My husband had last weekend off, so I maxed out all the couple time I could with him. We watched a couple DVD's of Boston Legal, ate out, went shopping for us and for Christmas gifts, and just had a wonderful time doing what other couples get to do every weekend. He is staying behind from the family trip this weekend, so he can have Thanksgiving weekend off. He's going to go with me on my work trip that weekend, and so we'll have a nice romantic getaway which is just so amazing, because I normally spend that weekend alone or travel to be with friends while he works.

I'm still not sure I feel the twins moving. I lie with my hands on my belly until I get cramps in my wrist. Sometimes I think I feel things, other times I convince myself its gas. I'm ready to feel them move, for that reassurance and regular tangible sign that all is well in there. I haven't gained more weight, and I don't think the profile belly shots I've been comparing look much bigger. I'm sure I am, but until the two fat rolls become one, to me, I just look fat.

Looking forward to playing with my nieces and nephews this weekend in SD. And to just being their aunt for one of the last times. Not everyone will be together at Christmas, so this will be my last chance to hang out with them before I have my own kids to be feeding, changing, or chasing her pretty soon. SO grateful for my husband, this trip, and for my family, and for the blessing of time together.

Friday, November 7, 2008

It's early Friday evening, I am waiting for DH to get home from work. I have very little to look forward to this weekend - another in a long line of weekends with no highlights - and I'm feeling a little down. I know there are lots of wives who become golf widows in the summer, or are left to fend for themselves for weeks of hunting seasons. My husband is working both Saturday and Sunday for the third weekend in a row, and I'm just a little bummed and missing him.

I do have plans to see Madagascar 2 with my friend S, and her 3-year-old son T. So, I have one activity planned for this weekend. Other ideas include scrapbooking the Christmas photo cards from last year, shopping for maternity clothes, and Christmas shopping. Plus, I brought home some work. Sad, huh?

The state called yesterday to set up our official home visit to finalize our foster care license. They will be here on Wednesday at 1pm. It will be a busy day since I have an OB appointment that morning, and a big meeting at work that afternoon, but I want to get it done. When I called the agency to let them know about the time so they could be here and bring all my paperwork for me, N. told me the reason we hadn't had any placements yet was because all the kids they'd had this week were 'rough' and with me being pregnant she wanted our first placement to be easy. So, I guess I can't complain about that.

Yesterday, I spent the morning at a local social service agency with the 3-year-old pre school class. It's an integrated classroom with 50% developmentally challenged kids. I could never be an early childhood educator, or a stay at home mom, and I especially do not have the gifts to work with special needs kids. But it was okay for a couple of hours.

Mostly, I just put together puzzles, wiped snotty noses, and prevented fistfights. I think the kids' favorite part was when I sat at the Play Doh table and made them anything they requested. I started making them bracelets which I would then encourage them to show their friends. Their little friends would applaud and come running (literally, running!) to get an up close view of the bracelet. It was very cute to see them model their tiny little Play Doh bracelets and to hear the ooohs and ahhhhs. But also scary, because being 16 weeks pregnant and having all the complications of infertility plus the spotting plus the PW incident this week, it would not be hard for me to obsess about birth defects. There were about 5 kids in that class with some major issues (wheelchair bound, no verbal communication, severe autism, etc.). But I didn't let my mind go there. I just made the best of my time and tried to not be in the way of the teachers.

The social worker who gave me my tour of the facility before I sat in the class (this was a work thing) also called my worker at our foster care agency to tell her what a great resource parent I was going to be. I guess I didn't realize I was being watched, but it was nice of her to call and put in a good word for us. Since the social worker used to work for our agency, I just happened to mention that we knew this woman, N., when we were introduced. N. said the social worker called about 2 minutes after I left yesterday ;-) I know we'll be good resource parents, but it was nice to have someone see me outside of my comfort zone and think that on her own.

I <3 your blog!

I got an award! And a meme! Thanks JamieD!

Answer the following questions with single word responses. Then pass on the award to 7 other bloggers:
1. Where is your cell phone? Couch
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Brunette
4. Your mother? Eileen
5. Your father? bad
6. Your favorite thing? velourpants
7. Your dream last night? jumbled
8. Your dream/goal? Motherhood
9. The room you’re in? Living
10. Your hobby? Scrapbooking
11. Your fear? Miscarriage
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Here
13. Where were you last night? Here
14. What you’re not? Athletic
15. One of your wish list items? Money
16. Where you grew up? Iowa!
17. The last thing you did? Type
18. What are you wearing? Maternity Pants
19. Your T.V.? Regist & Kelly
20. Your pet? Cha Cha
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? lonely
23. Missing someone? always
24. Your car? MDX
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your Summer? over :(
28. Love someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Black
30. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? i forget
I don't even know 7 bloggers who have not already been tagged, I could only come up with 5. Please don't feel like you HAVE to do the meme, but you should feel free to put your award on the side of your blog. That's what I'm doing with mine!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Most Embarrassing Story Ever

Yesterday at about 4:30, I went to unplug my cell phone from the charger and felt like my tummy was really tight. I then had to pee several times in succession, and each time I went, I noticed that my panties were getting wet. (Like I had been playing with my boobs for 30 minutes wet). So, I started to get worried. I texted my friend S. who had leaked amniotic fluid with her pregnancy, and my friend K. who is an authority in all things pregnancy related. In the meantime, I was looking up symptoms online and calling my OB’s office for advice. After arguing with the receptionist (politely) about how I could not determine whether or not I had an emergency until I talked to a nurse, and her telling me how I had to leave a message for a nurse and my call might be returned in 24 hours if it wasn’t an emergency, I finally convinced her to hand walk a message back to my OB’s nurses. I think she felt bad for me. It was 4:58 at this point, and said she couldn’t promise I would get a call back by 5. But Nurse S. (fav nurse) called back about 5 minutes later.

To complicate matters, I get zero cell reception in the building I’m working at this week. Zero. My phone makes horrible warning sounds like a nuclear war is going to happen during phone conversations, when I’m trying to make calls, etc. So, I was standing in the entry way to the building (too windy outside) trying to have some privacy while telling the nurse about my vaginal mess and my panties. And its right at 5:00, so a billion employees are leaving and asking me if I need a ride, telling me to have a good day, etc. Very stressful for me.

Nurse S. tells me to watch the flow, she can’t guarantee it isn’t amniotic fluid. She tells me to go home, change my underwear, and if I get a silver dollar every hour to go to the emergency room. As I’m talking to her on the phone, I can actually feel wetness dripping out of me, like when I have my period.

After about 10 more minutes, I decide that if I wait and something goes horribly wrong that I will regret it forever, so I decide to head straight to the emergency room. DH is out of town playing golf. So, my friend S. who called in response to my text earlier, will meet me there with her 3-year old son, T. I spend the drive across town calling my friend K, my boss, DH, etc. I get to the ER at 5:30. I’ve never been to an ER before. I’ve never been in the hospital before. I’m a little shell shocked walking in, and couldn’t even quite figure out what to tell the people at the front desk what was wrong. I get triaged as urgent, not critical, sat in a wheelchair, and waited about 5 minutes before S. showed up. Waited another 10 minutes or so before they took me back.

First, they took a urine sample. Then, they decided to swap my vag and check the ph. pH test immediately indicated that I did not have any amniotic fluid in my vag. Good news, but they thought perhaps a UTI or some sort of vag bacterial infection. So, they left me sitting while they waited for the urine test results. T. and S. entertained me and distracted me during the wait. DH arrives around 6:45, so S. and T. leave. Doctor comes back, tells me that I do not have a UTI, but it will take a few days to get the vag bacteria tests back. They call my OB’s office and the OB on call (S’s OB) recommends a sono to verify amniotic fluid is still okay.

They tell me to drink a glass of ice water or two, because they want me to have a full bladder. About the time I get to the bottom of the second cup of water, they determine I do not need a full bladder, so they take me to the sono. Sono looks good, two heartbeats, even levels of amniotic fluid in both sacks, and the tech was super sweet and even gave us a couple of souvenir pics (see attached). I was freezing and shivering from the ice water, so she gave me a blanket. I peed about 3 more times.

Go back and wait for the doctor who does come back to discharge me about 7:30 (we didn’t get out until a little after 8 since we had to wait for some paperwork). He cannot say with 100% certainty that I was not leaking amniotic fluid earlier, but when he took the swab there was none in my vag. So, its not 100%. He recommends having amniotic fluid checked in a few days to be sure its holding steady. But seriously, what are the odds that I would have fluid leaking from both and it would leak in equal proportion? Pretty much guaranteed I’m not leaking from there. So, I must be leaking from somewhere else. So, he thinks I peed my pants.

Pause for effect.

Yes, I went to the emergency room (calmly, not crying, not demanding or freaking out, but in an emergency room nonetheless) because I peed my pants and didn’t even know it.

Today, Dr. C's nurse calls and tells me that he thinks it was just vaginal secretions and proceeds to tell me how during your first time pregnancy you can be concerned about all the extra stuff, but your vaginal walls are expanding to accommodate childbirth, and with twins it can be even more. Yes, my OB thinks that I was just freaking out over normal vaginal secretions. How embarrassing will it be to see HIM next week?

I feel stupid, but everyone is validating me and making me feel better. I mean, I am not totally psycho. I did not go one single time to the doctor or even call a nurse one time when I had 5 or 6 bouts of spotting. I am not a freak. I wasn't even crying last night. I was just thinking better safe than sorry. But still, I think they think I'm a crazy infertile who can't relax. I hate feeling this way, but somehow calling myself PW (pants wetter) has somehow softened the humiliation.

So, here are the two more expensive sono pics you will ever see:

One more update on the goiter/'C' word drama:
Evil Dr. G’s nurse called yesterday in the morning. He recommended Dr. L (who is another surgeon at the Cancer Center). So, I called Dr. G’s referral nurse, who did not have me on her to-do list yet. Nice, huh? So, she had to go through my entire file looking for notes. And when I told her I wanted to switch surgeons she got all defensive and said she’d have to check with Dr. G and perhaps inferred that I was overreacting because all I was having done was an aspiration which was not technically surgery. Well, I explained to her, in kind of vague terms how I was ‘shocked’ and ‘emotional’ the day that Dr. G told me about this and I was in no position to make a decision that day, and how I called my OB because I have only seen Dr. G twice and this is who my OB recommended. What I wanted to say was … I could care less who Dr. G recommends, because I will not ever be seeing him again. But I thought they could figure that out themselves when I call to have my records transferred. Anyway, she wanted to ask when was a good time. I told her my schedule is complicated and asked if she could just have Dr. L’s office call me to set it up, and she got all huffy and said, Well, I WILL need to give them a phone number so they can contact you. Um, seriously, b*tch, THIS is the reason I am leaving your crappy office in the dust. But, in the end, she got friendlier, and said I should hear from Dr. L’s office in the next two weeks.

Dr. L’s nurse called later in the day, and the soonest she could get me in was December. I questioned her a little, like are you not more concerned this might spread. She said they didn’t have the radiologist report yet, but after they got it, Dr. L would review it and if he was concerned, he would double book to get me in sooner. She called back later with an opening on Monday, but I’m out of town for work that day, so she said she would just keep me on her cancellation list. But in all likelihood, it very well may be the first of the year before I know whether or not I have 'cancer' - Lovely.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Daylight Savings

I totally forgot it was daylight savings time today! So, when I got up around 8:45, it was actually 7:45. DH has to work today 12-5, I convinced him to skip church so we could spend some time together. He is currently on a 26-day straight stint, I think we're at day 14. Sheesh!

So, during our time together this morning, I got him to help me put up our wall words in the nursery. I'm waiting to post pics until we have all the bedding, etc. which will wait until we know boy/girl. But the words I chose are Sweet Dreams, Sleep Tight, We Love You, Good Night which I of course think is the sweetest thing EVER. And it fills up the wall where we will have the two cribs quite nicely. We currently only have one crib, because we had purchased it in prepaprations for our foster car license, but I plan to buy the second crib in December. Anyway, it looks even cuter on the wall than I had imagined, and I am immensely happy to have that done!

Our foster care 'temporary license' came in the mail yesterday, so I suppose we may get our first placement this week. I thought it would be last week, but what with the big thryoid/goiter/crappy doctor thing I had enough on my plate. Depending on where our first placement comes from, we may need to make an emergency trip to Target for supplies. I didn't want to buy a bunch of stuff for an infant, only to find out we got a 4-year old. So, we have just the bare minimum right now.

My friend S and I made our annual pilgremage to the biggest craft fair of the season yesterday morning. Sadly, it wasn't as full as past years. I blamed the economy and a local strike in town, she blamed the nice weather. I hope she's right! Anyway, we were mostly responsible. I bought one gift, which is better than last year when I only bought for myself! But that leaves a mere 11 people plus DH on my list, which is progress, and its still only early November. Yay me!

With all the productivity this morning, and the desire to save money for further Christmas presents, I am probably going to scrapbook this afternoon. Which I have not done in months, because I have been too tired or just too lazy. But I want to make a page of memories from my visit to see my niece M. last Spring. And one from this summer. So, that should keep me busy while DH is at work. Plus, I have the new Nelson DeMille book that I started yesterday. Shame on me for buying the hardback, and not borrowing it from the library. Bookstores are yet another guilty pleasure I will have to give up when the childcare bills start coming due. Until then, I'm going to enjoy.

In work news, I have a big week. I had an employee quit via text message yesterday, which is always nice. She is moving to take care of her parents who were in a serious car wreck, so I understand. I think my boss was so surprised at how well I took it. It sucks, but we have to move on and figure out how to make it through without her. Other people will just have to step up, and I know they will, so I'm not going to obsess. In fact, I need to call the IT Director here after awhile and see if he can't help me out tomorrow. And then I hope that with the economy being as bad as it is, that I won't have to replace her until Spring. I prefer to hire new graduates for this position anyway.

(15wk 4d)