Monday, August 18, 2008

Turns out, I had zero motivation yesterday. In fact, I hardly got up off the couch other than for food and potty breaks. DH worked in the basement on converting his hard drive into a new CPU. I told him that I absolutely cannot spend the next 8 months this way. I either need some more energy so I can do stuff, or we need the fall tv season to begin and fill up my Tivo!

Back at work today. At least I had something to do. I ignored the b*tch. She had the audacity to ask how I was feeling. Like I want to discuss my pregnancy symptoms with her. I was feeling down and out, just feeling unhappy at work, until I started realizing how much stress I have been under lately. Like, maybe I deserve a break, and maybe I deserve kind of an emotional letdown after what I've been through. Last week, I had the very positive results of our IVF cycle, but the stress and worry about whether or not we would get the BFP was emotional. Plus, I spent 2 1/2 days with a DOT compliance officer who carried a gun and threatened me several times to shut us down or fine us. He did neither, and its all a part of their game, but its still a mind f*ck that left me pretty vulnerable.

Add to that, that two weeks ago my partner in crime took another position with the company, with my blessing, and so I am finishing up our last project without him. I'm happy for him, but miss having someone that I work so closely with and can lean on. We had worked side by side the past three years, and lived together for the last year before I moved home in February. To say we were close would be a huge understatement. Thankfully, we still talk everyday, and after talking to him this evening, I felt immensely better. And that made me cry. Stupid hormones. But somehow I feel like a tremendous burden was lifted, and I wasn't alone, that he still gets me, and so I can let go of this ridiculous woman who bullied me last week. Tearing up again. Seriously?!

Pregnancy symptoms are pretty non-existent still - if you don't count the crying obviously! I am tired. I can't drink anything other than water, because it gives me heartburn or the thought of it is unappealing. I can't ever figure out what I want to eat, even when I'm hungry, nothing sounds good. Nipples hurt. Some intermittent cramping. And that's it. Still hard to believe its real.

I need to get to the foster care homework. DH and I have about 50 pages to finish up tonight. We always seem to leave it to the last minute.


sushilover said...

Here's to not knowing what to eat. I think I'll slice up a lemon for dinner. Don't let that creepy work lady bother you. I noticed that my stomach tends to cramp up when someone at work pisses me off. And it's not worth it! I know easier said than done. Hope you have a stress free week!

Tiffi33 said...

being tired is one of the FIRST pregnancy symptoms I had..that and the don't miss that, but it is a GREAT sign :)
and don't worry, the tired/lethargy will fade...