Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I accepted the job in Texas on Monday night.

Told my boss on Tuesday morning.

Had an executive staff meeting to formulate a replacement strategy on Wednesday.

Our house went on the market today.

And we have our first showing tomorrow.

Wish us luck!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Stars at Night

The Stars at Night ... are Big and Bright [clap, clap, clap, cap] deep in the heart of TEXAS!!

In the most surreal experience as an adult, I received 3 simultaneous job offers yesterday - from my boss and two other division managers in our company. Simultaneous. As in all of them, in the same room, one after another, in front of each other.

They are giving me a week to decide. And I have a meeting in a few minutes with the owner of our company for his input. But, OMG, I think we're moving to Texas! Best offer. Best promotion. Best job. Best bonus. Best. Best. Best. From every angle. Except the whole relocate and re-start your life, find new friends, doctors, a new hair stylist, a new Walmart, a new commute to work, new home, sell your old home, sell stuff so you don't have to move it kind of way.

I hope to formally accept on Monday. I have a few negotiation points to work out with my new boss before I commit. But there is like little to no chance I would pass on this opportunity.

DH has promised not to tell his family until AFTER my rescheduled birthday this weekend. They live here in town, well, his mom and her husband do, and they are going to FREAK! And I definitely don't want to be around for the guilt they are going to put on him. I can almost hear it now ... 'you're keeping us away from the boys' Um, yeah. You live in the same town. And you see us 6x/year. Whatever! As you can tell, he will be the better choice for this conversation. More empathetic. I mean, I've lived here and away from my family this whole time, but they seem to forget that. Like my sacrifices don't matter.

Oh, and the other hard part. I have to tell my boss. Who will have to replace me and/or take over my duties temporarily/permanently. Her offer sucked. It was insulting almost, but not her fault, just the way they value the position she was offering. They obviously value me higher than that, if they're willing to pay the higher wage for me in Dallas. So, its the position they spit on.

Ok, can't think straight. Just wanted to share my joy! Now all the planning begins, there is so much to do just to move, plus have another radiation treatment before we go!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Oncology Update

First, I am still sick. You're probably sick of hearing about it by now. But going to the doctor helped. I am now on a super-strong antibiotic and have some delicious cough syrup with codeine. Codeine! As in a derivative of cocaine! It's all so dangerous and potent! Well, it is working better than the other OTC meds I was taking, so that's all I care about, really.

Second, the 411 on my visit with Dr. R, the oncologist. First, he was apologetic that I had to be back. I guess this was his first time dealing with my scan results, when I dealt with them weeks ago. I could have used his sympathy then, but somehow it was a burden yesterday.

He said the size is so small (a stubborn remnant) and my initial treatment was so recent (just 6 months ago) that he could see how if we waited, they maybe just hadn't had their full effect and it would be gone in a few months. To me, the test to see if they worked and the treatment are so similar that I thought we should just go for it. He thought that was a good plan too. Last time I had a dose of 125, this time he will give me 75. I still have to go off my thyroid replacement. I still have to suffer through two weeks on the ridiculous low iodine diet. I still have to go a week without human contact. I may still have cancer when its done.

DH recommended we have a nice dinner before I start the diet. He is so sweet to think of that.

So, I started my 'pretend' thyroid meds today. Two weeks of these before I'm cut off completely. This other thyroid med is supposed to make me less spacey, at least initially. I already feel spacey enough with this head cold.

So, that's that.

For those of you on the edge of your seats, I did not go to Panera. I was good. I ate my quiche. I was good all day. I guess I just needed some event to work toward, and H's wedding is just that. September 25th, I believe. Plenty of time to drop 40 pounds, right?

Oh, and for those of you following my career path, the VP of Ops at my company has called a meeting of the following people tomorrow afternoon - the President of our company, my boss, manager #1 who has offered me a job, and manager #2 who has offered me a job. Whoever decided to drop that guest list in my lap either thought I was stupid or wanted to drive me nuts for the next two days. Obviously, I know the topic at hand. I am nervous about being under such high powered scrutiny, and also excited that they may just decide my fate for me so I don't have to make this colossal decision.

More News Later.

Monday, February 8, 2010


Still sick.

Sitting in oncology waiting room.

Trying not to cough or sneeze or sniffle. These people have enough to worry about.

I think I'll call my GP to see him later today or tomorrow. I'm starting to think this is a sinus infection.

Now waiting for scans. For some reason even though the bldgs are attached, having my scan done at the clinic means my oncologist at the hospital doesn't have a copy. Um, was I supposed to request that? I thought it was assumed, as in the whole reason I am here.


Really struggling over being good on my diet and going to Panera for a delicious bfst sandwich on my way back to the office. It's just scross the street. I mean, come on?, I have cancer! Don't I deserve a little bacon, egg and delicious Tillamook cheese on artisan bread with a delicious hazelnut latte? If I'm good, then I'm staring down coffee without creamer or sugar, and some low fat/ low carb turkey quiche. I really think I'll be strong. I deserve to be skinny!

Oh, and did I mention that my bff from high school asked me to be in her weddimg in September?! Just the motivation I needed to be good. Seriously, oldest bridesmaid ever!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

This Birthday Bites

You know what bites? Being sick on your birthday.

From a cold you presumably caught from your darling son earlier in the week.

And when you're sick, you can't diet. You can't work out. You can hardly breathe. And if your heart rate is up, its from all the energy you expend hacking up a lung. Certainly not from the treadmill or eliptical machine.

I've received approximately one million facebook happy birthday wishes, which are really sweet, and so fun. But they aren't doing me much good.

I've been in bed at 7:30 for the past 4 nights, and have resorted to napping with the boys to get even more rest.

I cancelled dinner at my favorite restaurant last night w/my local BFF who also happens to share my birthday.

I cancelled lunch with the in laws today.

I cancelled our plans to attend a housewarming/super bowl party with other friends.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Emotional Eater

It's 5:14pm. I've been home all day with Will who has an ear infection and a high fever and is just not very happy about it. Who could blame the poor little guy?! For the first time in his almost 10 months on this earth, he fell asleep on the floor today.

The house is silent.

I am tired.

Stressed from being up all night holding Will, getting him a doctor's appointment first thing this morning, getting his brother to daycare, stopping by my office to pick up some work to do at home, getting Will to the pediatrician, getting Will to get his rx at Walgreen's and getting home all before 10am. And then putting him to nap so I could work, but really not being able to concentrate much, because I had to clean my house for my friend to come over to stay with him while I went to my very own doctor's appointment.

I finally broke down on Friday and called my endocrinologist about my body scan and blood work. I saw the note today in his hand, it said "Wants to know test results" which isn't a direct quote of my call, but good enough. His nurse called this morning while I was in the Starbucks drive thru - did I mention I had time for a pit stop on the way to Will's dr appt? Yum! Anyway, his nurse called, and they had a cancellation for today (supposedly) and they got me in. Not sure it was worth the time and money that will cost my insurance company when he's just referring me back to my oncologist, but its over now.

Dr M said that the first radiation treatment killed off my remaining thyroid cells, and this second one will be to treat the cancer. And its "common" to have multiple treatments. I asked him to quantify "common." He says 20-30%. He says the cancer cells I have are so small, so trace, that they are undetectable with sonogram, so its not like I have a big tumor. He seemed to be dismissive of the cancer (its miniscule, but its cancer, so we gotta treat it) without being dismissive of me. Which felt really good.

My radiation won't be for at least 6 weeks, because I have to go on this other non-Synthroid prescription for a month, then be without any thyroid replacement for the two weeks that I do that stupid rotten low iodine diet. Blech! The diet on which you can eat nothing and you still gain weight because your metabolism is so freaking slow! Yes, that one.

So, I made it all day eating right. I had a skinny latte from Starbucks. Leftover South Beach friendly chili for breakfast. A piece of natural peanut butter on whole grain double fiber bread for lunch. And some water here and there. But tonight I'm thinking PIZZA and CHOCOLATE. Self medication is good, right? In moderation. If I don't do it every night.

Whether or not I eat the pizza, I'm beginning to recognize this pattern where I reward myself for putting up with a doctor's appointment by eating my fav breakfast sandwich from Panera, or I make myself feel better for having a rough morning by having a chocolate shake. The last few weeks, I haven't been succombing to the temptation. I mean, I feel it, but I've really been letting it pass and just eating the right thing.

And it has paid off. Not my goal weight by any means. I mean, wouldn't it be great if you could lose one pound for every salad you ate? It would be great. But that's not the world I live in. But I did happen to lose about 6 pounds since my last appointment with the endocrinologist, back on January 4th. I'd rather have lost 10, but I'll take my 6. If only the doctor had noticed ...