Monday, August 11, 2008

Denial

I think I am in denial.

I'm having a hard time believing this pregnancy is real.

Perhaps because I have absolutely zero symptoms.

Unless you count the hot flashes.

Because the ones I've had yesterday and today are actually WORSE than the Lupron version.

Which I didn't think was possible.

This could be my slogan, "I'm not a stripper, I just act like one."


More likely, it is because I seriously never thought this day would come, and now that it has, I don't know whether to remain cautious or jump up and down and scream. I'm kind of scizophrenic about it. If I think about the reality of it, I get a little bit scared about childbirth and the responsibility of raising a child. And then I worry that something will happen between now and then, that it won't stick, that I'll delivery premature. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I showed DH the pee sticks this morning. That was fun. He kept trying to leave for work, but thinking up something else we should discuss, and jokingly scoffed, "I'm trying to go to work. Stop distracting me with your pregnancy." And then, because we don't know how many are in there yet, he said "Good bye you two ... or three." How fun is this?!

Beta is still not until Wednesday, so we're not telling anyone until we get those results back.

I still can't hardly believe this happened. I really had given up. I really didn't think it would ever happen.

***
Lest you think the foster care deal is now out of the picture, tsk! tsk! I sincerely believe God is calling us to this ministry, whether or not we have a child of our own.
We made progress this weekend on that, as well. DH installed tot locks in the kitchen, his bath, and mine. It serioulsy took two hours. Poor guy! And the reading of the homework challenge continues. I'm hoping this weekend to tackle the biggest project of them all - installing the railing on the basement stairs. Oh, the horror!

4 comments:

Sweetpea said...

I guess it must be hard to believe, especially until you've had your beta. While cautiously optimistic is good, throwing caution to the wind and enjoying it might also be a good thing. : ) I'm tempted to say Enjoy! : )

JamieD said...

I am soooo excited for you! The denial is totally understandable, though. I look forward to hearing your beta results!!

Penny said...

Ooh, yay! I remember the hot flashes. It only gets weirder. Here's hoping for an uneventful and healthy pregnancy.

Duck said...

wow, clearly i missed your bfp, congrats.