Thursday, March 5, 2009

Letter to my friend, the Faithful Infertile

I got your comment this morning before I left for work.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am truly saddened by your loss.

I never knew your daughters' names before. They are beautiful.

I wish there was some way I could reach out to you.

I understand why you deleted your blog.

But I will wish there was some way for me to contact you.

This is the best I can do.

I wish I had an email address for you.

There have been so many times I've thought of you since January. I have prayed for you, and for your girls. All of my in real life friends and family have heard about you and your girls, about how you found me, about how we have the same RE, about how close our due dates were, etc. etc. etc. And I was so upset today for your loss, I could think of little else.

I was so shaken by the reality of pre-term labor when you wrote about yours. It so easily could have been me. Why wasn't it?

Your early delivery was always in the back of my mind. Every twitch. Every tightening of the belly. Ever speck of mucus.

I've layed more on my left side, run fewer errands, drank more water.

I have considered trolling the NICU until I saw twin girls, so I could find you, and hug you.

My OB's office is across the street from the hospital. I'm there once a week.

I'm not psycho.

I'm not a stalker.

So, I don't go in looking for you.

But I just keep thinking of you, and wishing there was some way I could do something for you.


You're so close.

And yet, I know, we've never met, so its weird. And maybe I would only make it worse for you.

Maybe my still being pregnant would be painful for you.

Maybe its just weird to meet another blogger in person.

But I'm right here. In town. Isn't there anything I can do?

In the meantime, I will keep you, your husband, and Marleigh in my prayers.

I added my email address to my profile. Email me anytime.

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