Thursday, March 19, 2009

35 Weeks!!!!!!

As of today, we have reached the 35 week milestone, which is HUGE!!!!! We are doing so great. I'm so proud of my body right now. Yay me!

Alas, any pregnancy has its highs and lows. So, if 35 weeks is a high (and it is) then there have got to be some lows.

Today was the first day that I was unable to wear shoes. I noticed last night that my left foot was swollen. This morning, both were huge sausages of fluid. They are disgusting! Praise God that my BFF/S had suggested pedicures on Saturday, so that I can sport flip flops without too much fear of reproach at the office. But still, my ankles and feet were like the one part of my body that was never fat, even when I was overweight, and now, well, they're so freaking bloated and gross.

And another high - I slept all night on the couch last night, which resulted in fewer wake ups, less pain, and fewer trips to the bathroom. I was only up 3 times in the night - around 12, 3, and 6. Which was AWESOME! Plus, when I did get up, there was less shuffling and hip pain. So, I may just sleep out there every night from now on. I miss sleeping beside my DH, but he did come out and join me around 6:30 this morning and it was nice to cuddle with him for a little while before we got up for work.

And the lowest of all lows - I am really starting to get depressed about my husband's work schedule. I think I've mentioned in passing that he works in the evenings, and on weekends, and that results in me being alone quite a bit of the time. And before pregnancy, that I dealt with it better b/c I could amuse myself with a remodeling project, a road trip to IA or MN, or going out with friends. I had kind of built a life without him, around his schedule, because I refused to let his workaholism interfere with my having a life. Of course, I would have rather been with him, but since I couldn't, there was no use sitting around moping.

Well, now, that's all I can do - lay around and mope. And its getting old.

Granted, in 22 days or less, I will have our two little boys to take care of. But then when he's at work, I'll just feel like a single mother.

I must admit that my husband has agreed to find a more family-friendly job, and has been looking, and has had interviews, and has turned down jobs with craptastic hours and travel. And we do have an ultimate deadline which is that he has agreed to be unemployed by 6/1 if he hasn't found something else. In which case, he will collect unemployment and save us daycare expenses.

So, in the long run, I know this is temporary (as is my bed rest) and I know he's doing everything he can right now and that he's not happy either.

That being said, it doesn't suck any less. I know I should be grateful to still have half days in the office, to still be pregnant. But I am SO sick of tv and books. Seriously, how many episodes of Bringing Home Baby can one endure? And I still have 33 more left Tivo'd, and it adds more everyday!

I feel sorry for him, because he has no life. And he has this wife who needs more from him than she ever has before. And I feel sorry for me, because I am alone a lot of the time, and he is the only one I want to be with right now, and I can't ask more of him without feeling guilty about it, because I already know he is spread thin and compromising his own needs for alone/personal time for me.

Some days are better than others. Yesterday was worse. If only I could self-medicate with alcohol. Or shopping. Or something, anything. But obviously the pregnancy eliminates some of those options, the bed rest others, and the whole trying to be a responsible grown up and deal with my emotions kind of gets in the way. My most healthy stress reliever is distraction (projects, trips, etc.) and I can't even do that. So, anyway, I'm okay, really, I am. And I've shared all of this with my dear husband. So, I'm not bearing this all on my own. I'm just sharing, because its been on my mind.


iambrowneyedgirl said...

Congratulations on reaching 35 weeks!

Hang in there!

G$ said...

First, big shout out for 35 weeks. That is full of awesomesauce.

Second - I just had a similiar thought/conversation yesterday about dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. Can't drink. Can't punch someone. Can't exercise. Can't take a valium. So what does that leave? Food. My pants are tight enough already though. So when you figure out an adult way to handle stress, let me in on the secret :)

Hang in there hun.

Sushilover said...

Congrats on 35 weeks. Sorry to hear about the monster feet. I'm having major itching...all over. Are you having any of that? It's driving me crazy.

Hang on with the issue with your hubby. Soon you'll have your little ones. I agree...when you are this pregnant there's not much you can do to entertain yourself. I wish I could put my stomach aside and go have a nice lunch and shopping afternoon along with a mojito, some days. But it will all be worth it in the end. Which of course you know already. :)

JamieD said...

It would weigh heavily on my mind also. I remember a friend telling me a story about how she blew up at her husband when she was pregnant because he was working so much and leaving her alone with his step daughter (who was two at the time). She said her usual coping mechanisms were running and drinking and now she couldn't do either.

I was talking to my Hubby the other night about how long he planned to take off when the baby is here and he was thinking FAR LESS time than I was. The thought overwhelmed me so much I almost cried. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you to not have him during the evenings or weekends.

But at least you both have a plan and a deadline. I hope you have some time off together soon.

And YAY! for only waking up three times last night! I would make the permanent move to the couch as well.