Monday, January 26, 2009

Irrational Fears

I had a really rough night on Saturday - all the hip pain, walking like a rusted out robot on the way to/from the potty, the leg cramps. And for the first time yet, it continued into the next day. I was so uncomfortable Sunday morning, there was no way I was going to church, and I just moved from room to room searching for a comfortable piece of furniture. Finally, I fell back asleep at 11am and when I awoke a few hours later, I felt better.

During these uncomfortable hours, the rational me kept saying I was just having a bad night. But the pessimist in me started to panic that this was the beginning of the end, that this state would be my permanent condition for the next two months.

I also briefly feared that I had a blood clot in my left leg.


What I reall need to confess is just how serious my fear of premature labor has become. Pretty much every day at some point, I will become convinced that I'm having contractions. Most likely, this is one or more of the twins moving inside of me. But I worry that I'm not going to recognize the contractions when they do start, and then it will be too late to stop them by the time I seek a medical intervention. I have never known what was going on in there, why should I start now?

My OB said they feel like menstrual cramps, and everything I read says You'll Know! because they're regular, like in a timed interval pattern, even if not painful at first. I just don't know. So far, everything I feel in there is like continuous. Nothing comes and goes like cramping.

Who are these women who are so in tune with their bodies that they 'just know' they are pregnant or they 'just know' its a girl??? I have zero self awareness. And I think its scary that I'm the one whose responsible for feeling these things out. I in no way trust myself on this one.

So, I take a Tylenol PM every night, lay on my left side, and drink lots of water. I try not to overdo it during the day. And pee frequently, because I have noticed a full bladder makes me feel more 'contraction-y' - whatever that means.

On a more practical level, I bought a new CD alarm clock for the boys today when FINALLY picking up my prescription at Target. And guess what? The CD player function on this one works, but it has a tracking problem so it sounds like a cricket is chirping every few seconds. Can no manufacturer put together a fully functional alarm clock? So, I guess if the roads are okay tomorrow (impending ice storm tonight) I will return alarm clock #2. Sheesh!


Seriously? - Erin said...

I am glad that your leg pain went away, just keep an eye on it though, you don't want to wind up like me...LOL.

I have to say I still don't think I have felt one contraction yet. I always attribute any discomfort to movement.

I am getting totally paranoid now about how much is still left to do in the nursery. I think about how you are getting an alarm clock and I am still hoping for walls to get finished!

She said...

I can completely understand your fears. I'm not even pregnant again yet, and I'm already worrying about pre-term labor and stillbirth. Oy. From my previous experience, when I had contractions with my son I could feel them on the OUTSIDE too. My whole belly got hard as a rock when the contractions came.

JamieD said...

I think your fears are completely rational. This is the first time your body has done this - you can't expect to know exactly what is going on all the time.

I always thought I was 'in tune' with my body until we started TTC. Now I realize I'm not in tune with shit.

Faithful Infertile said...

They feel ALOT like menstrual cramps! Take it from me, go as SOON as you feel them. Your boys are getting bigger everyday, which is good. Just take care of yourself & listen to your body.

PS I hope your boys don't mind dating older girls. I had mine last Friday at Wesley at 26 weeks 1 day.

Faithful Infertile said...

Thank you for the offer, but we're really doing great. I spend as much time as I can at the NICU & they have everything we need at the Ronald McDonald house. It is amazing!!! Just please keep us in your thoughts & prayers. :)