30 Weeks, 4 Days

Have discovered that I am SO not motivated to work right now. And when I can summon the energy to focus, its not my normal hours of crazy productivity...its like...maybe an hour...maybe 90 minutes. So, I watch Bringing Home Baby and then work for a little while. Then maybe I get a snack and watch The Real World while I eat, and then maybe I answer some emails, which may or may not be work-related. Focus...where have you gone?

Also, the boys (I hope its both of them and not just babyA) have been SO active today. I was so worried about them yesterday because they had been idle. I even had their father given them a stern lecture about worrying their mother, reminding them to kick on demand, and try to avoid the cervix while they're at it. Well, today, they have been active all day. Not just here and there, but almost constantly and everywhere. And Baby A had his first case of the hiccups. At least it was the first time I had noticed it. So, whew! I'm relieved they're okay.

When they weren't moving, of course, my mind went to the worst possible outcome - cord accident. And I just got so depressed thinking that we could still lose them. After every milestone. Life is so fragile, and there is just always so much that could go wrong. At this point, I don't know how I would go on without them. They are so much a part of my life, already.

But they have moved, and so I need to be happy in that, and not focus so much on all that COULD go wrong, but instead on all that HAS and IS going right.

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Last weekend, I missed my BFF/T's wedding in Mexico. One of two tropical destination weddings I am missing for the twins. I was looking at pictures on facebook, reveling in the fact that she now has a different last name, and all of this went on while I was laying in bed, when I wasn't there. It made me very sad to miss it. I know it will all be worth it for the boys. I know it. But I still feel a little left out. Hurt that this big event happened without me. (Why yes, I am the center of the earth.)

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I have an OB appointment tomorrow at 9am. Hoping to avoid strict bedrest yet again. I have seen no physical symptom that would necessitate such an action. But I never know what's going on in his head. And I definitely want to make it to his goal (35 weeks) if not mine (37). So, I will be compliant if that's what he wants. Although, I will probably try to get him to give me permission to be out and about at least an hour a day so I could run to the office to pick up / drop off documents or at least see another human other than DH. Wish me luck!

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Oh, and you remember the great alarm clock search of January, well, it has been replaced with the ever so frustrating lamp(shade) odyssey of February. The score is currently Lamps - 2, Keepers - 0.