Saturday, May 3, 2008

Girls Night In and Letting Go of Superstition

I had scheduled a Girls Night In some weeks ago for last night. And it was a beautiful evening, shared with 9 amazing women, none of whom are IF and all of whom know we are. The last time I had seen them, I had just had an IUI with the possibility of 6 mature eggs.

Most of them had not spoken to me since the last girls night, but every single one of them brought it up. They all took a moment to get me alone and ask, not any one in front of the entire group, not any one in an insensitive way. Amazing. They all were sad for me. They all were concerned. They all said they had thought about calling many times. How lucky am I to have these women on the fringe of my life who will come to my home and share an evening with me, telling stories about our lives and just being present in that moment, together, talking. So blessed. Such a wonderful life!

I did not bother them with the "Why aren't YOU pregnant?" nurse / US visit. I glossed over the cysts and the month off. I did not cry. I wasn't even sad. It seems like forever ago that we all sat around joking about "A&T Plus 6" when the possibility of multiples was real and it seemed like DH and I were living on the edge by plowing forward with all those eggs. It all seemed so brave and almost risky.


RE's office closes at noon on Fridays, so I will have to call on Monday to schedule my CD3 US. Ish! But yeah! Because I can see if the cysts from our last IUI in April have gone away, and can start moving forward with our protocol for June's IVF cycle. I'm excited and ready to get back to it. I'm almost glad that I had a month off. Like I needed to step back and stabilize my hormones a little bit, to get back to me. I had just told a friend earlier this week that I feel like I've come out of a coma. Not that I'm excited to go back under, but I guess I just can see that there is life outside of IF and IVF.

In other news, I'm going to let go of one of my big superstitions this week. I currently drive a Honda Civic, which would be so difficult with my 6'2" husband and a car seat - especially the backword facing newborn one. Also would make road trips really not doable, and since we are so accustomed to just getting in the car to see family 6+ hours away, we'll need room for a pack-n-play, stroller, etc. etc. etc. (I guess I still have hope these treatments will work, huh?)
So, I've been looking at SUV's. But I didn't want to buy one until we were pregnant, because I didn't want to jinx anything. Of course, when I got pregnant, I probably wouldn't want to buy one, for fear that would bring on an instant miscarriage. Stupid, stupid superstitions!!!!! (Sidenote: I sometimes blame myself that the last IUI didn't work, because I was looking at nursery bedding online during our 2WW, which for sure had to jinx it, right?) Anyway, I also didn't want the payment while trying to finance fertility treatments. But I got a raise last month, and I'm beginning to think my Civic is dated and somehow a younger girl's car, so...
I had been working with two dealers - one here in town, and one in another town - back in January. I had kind of decided to wait and not buy anything until September, when my flex spending account renews and I'll have all that extra cash. But, both dealers called me out of the blue this week after months without contact. And so, I think I just decided to buy one from the out of town guy today. I will pick it up next weekend. The price is over $1,000 lower than I would have paid in January, plus the interest rate is lower on the loan. I haven't had a car payment a couple years, so this will be an adjustment. Insurance will be lower, but gas will be higher. And the tax, well, the tax will for sure be higher. But I'm going to be spontaneous and do it anyway! If we get pregnant, then we're already set and won't have the stress of car shopping and feeling like we 'need' to find something. And if we don't, I will still have a fab new vehicle that I love and will be just great for road trips to see my fam. And since I'm buying it because I want it, not just as a family car, then I'm hoping I won't link this purchase to our upcoming IVF cycle. I hope.


Queenie. . . said...

Sometimes, you just have to enjoy the now. Congrat's on the new car!

CandiceM said...

how great to have that support system!!