Yo! Still 184.6

I hate weekends for dieting. During the workweek, I can be weak and hide behind my routine. I only eat what I've packed or have in the fridge at work. The schedule. The limitations. It works for me. Weekends lack all structure. And give me time to think about how hungry I am.

It is about 1:45pm. The boys are down for their afternoon nap. I ate a 500-calorie lunch about 30 minutes ago and about all I can think about is how hungry I am. DH is working on his laptop. And I'm reading diet blogs for motivation.

This is not my first diet. My weight has fluctuated as long as I remember. The first time I had any success with dieting was preparing for my wedding in October of 2002. Weight Watchers. I lost almost 30 pounds to a wedding day of 163.4. Yes, point 4. I remember.

And promptly gained it all back.

A few years later, closing in on 200 pounds yet again, I went to my doctor who prescribed Meridia. That time, I got down to about 150 pounds (lowest adult weight) and promptly gained it back after falling off the wagon and onto a ham sandwich bender at my brother's wedding. My SIL talks about watching me eat all those ham sandwiches. I love white bread and Miracle Whip!

Since that time, I've had very informal dieting and exercising. Yo-Yoing my way between 170 and 190 at any given point during the year.

I was down below 170 when I got pregnant with the twins just because I'd been active that summer, and gained at least 50 pounds during the pregnancy. After the twins were born, I didn't have much time to eat, ate everything I wanted, and somehow was less than 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight when I had my thyroid out.

And then all bets were off. My metabolism was positively wrecked by not having those hormones before I could start replacement drugs, and having to go off my meds every time I needed radiation. Metabolism is so so crazy, seriously, if you consider I was eating hardly anything and GAINING up to 10 pounds in one week.

To make this one a big success story (like the WW and Meridia of my past) I am trying something that worked for me in another area where I was struggling - infertility. I have been reading books (the Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl, check) and blogs and sparkpeople emails. Adding every little tidbit to the arsenal in my brain to try to push out all the negative self talk and visions of chocolate and carbs floating around up there.

Hope I don't bore you all to death, but this blog is going to be my journal to help me deal with the struggles to make healthy choices. And according to Diet Girl, blogging might help me burn 5 calories. Woohoo!