I cleaned up my "Blog It Out" section last night. And I was sad to see how many blogs I used to read that are no longer out there. The weird part was that I couldn't 100% remember which blog was which person. I tend to know people by their first names and remember them that way, since that's how we comment on each other's blogs, and email each other behind the scenes. They were all very clever titles and the best of the best of all the blogs I read in the IF world, and boy did I read ALL I could get my eyes on.
These blogs were instrumental in my surving IF and IVF. I have friends who tell me they could have never done it, and there were times when in the middle of all those hormones that I was ready to throw in the towel. But all that seems inconsequential to the greatness of being a mom. Three years of my life feels like three days that happened thirty years ago. It's almost like a haze. And my blog is the only proof it ever happened. I can't imagine deleting all this.
My focus may have changed, but this place is sacred to me. And so are the blogs of my friends. How many did I lurk on back through years of betas to compare mine to theirs. How many did I cry with over a BFN or MC. How else would I know all of these acronyms?!?! And what about all my firsts? When I first de-lurked? When I first joined one of those crazy commenting competitions? When I first received an award? All of mine are years old now and still I can't take them down. When I first gave someone my personal email address? When I first friended one of you on FB? These were huge steps for me, and just as big for me as the first injection, the first vag wand, the first foster care class. They're all entertwined. Simply stated, I cannot separate the IF community from my IF experience.
And I guess I'm just sad to see it kind of crumbling as people move on.