Sunday, July 6, 2008

you cannot run away from infertility

So, this weekend was our annual pilgremage to the holy land, or mecca, if you will. Of course, you're right. Minnesota! We go every year to visit my friends from college, and the townies I befriended. We had a fabulous visit, full of lots of highs. Boating. Shopping. Parade. Fireworks. Backyard Barbeques. Reunion. Beer Garden. Eating. Sleeping. Visiting. Sunshine.

Got to see my BFF's who I hadn't seen since April. As my BFF/T said, "We drank ourselves into sobriety" meaning we drank, and drank, and drank, and never felt drunk. Which makes me feel really old, but in a good, responsible way, not a lame way. I didn't have to apologize to anyone, be reminded of anything I'd done, said, or eaten. And I definitely was happy to not have a hangover on the 9-hour drive home today. T and I were separated at birth, I swear it. And I am just tickled whenever we're together, so pleased that time and distance cannot sever the strong friendship we once had. It's like I never graduated, never moved away.

But just because I was on vacatation, does not mean that infertility, my dear friends, was not along for the ride.

Thursday night, my BFF/K's mom, in her drunken stupor, was not picking up what I was throwing down (if you will) when I eased out of her grip, avoided eye contact, and repeated at least 50 times, We're Fine as she grilled me for details about our IF problems and professed her daily prayer habit in my honor. Truly, these are sweet sentiments, but totally uncomfortable and icky when she's drunk. She then proceeded to tell me quite loudly during a lull in the bar music about all the horrible wisdom that she had imparted to her daugher K during and after her recent (recurrent) miscarriage (i.e. she already has her miracle baby and wasn't meant to have another. Yes, I'm not making this up. From her mother. Ouch!) She, of course, was proud of her motherly advice, but was quite insensitive as her daughter, K, sat across from us at the table. I didn't want to be rude, but didn't want to stay for this either. Luckily, K and I are also totally on the same page. About 30 seconds after her Mom asked me if we were having marital troubles from the IF, K chirped up that we should go meet our friends (wink, wink) at another bar. As soon as we hit the door, we were both apologizing all over the place for her D-RUNK mother. And all was well, I think. I mean, her mom says hurtful things, so I'm sure that stung, but I tried not to dwell on it. But seriously?! A.W.K.W.A.R.D.

I also met a little girl who seriously needs to be rescued from her mother. She loves her mom and wants her mom to make good choices, but her mom spends her child support checks on alcohol, lives in a hovel, and dates a really dumb, really mean, drunk. But I was so proud of myself, and so confident that foster care is the path for us, because I wanted her mom to be better for her as well. Of course, I wanted to take the daughter away, but not forever, just until a professional could whip her mother into shape. I also knew she loved her mom and she was disappointed that her mom had brought this man into their life. It was another awkward situation, sharing the weekend with these random people (family of my friend T's new boyfriend), but I felt sorry for all of them. The mom. The drunk. And the girl. They all needed help. And while it broke my heart, I felt like it was another sign from God, reinforcing our choice to pursue foster care. DH and I had some long talks about it. I am so pleased we are on the same page with this. I'm so lucky that he agrees, that we agree, that its our plan.

Top 5 things I am looking forward to this week:

1) Foster Care home visit Monday night. There will be a full report here tomorrow. Watch for it!

2) First foster care class on Tuesday night. Again, a full report which will no doubt include shallow, horrible judgemental things about the others in our class.

3) Going out in Kansas City with my friend S on Thursday night. There will be woo hoo'ing.

4) Seeing my family in Iowa next weekend. Can you say, Baxter Fun Days?

5) Catching up on some sleep, and letting my liver heal from this weekend!


Aunt Becky said...

I can only imagine the asinine comments you must put up with regularly. It always makes me so ashamed that people feel the need to say stuff like that to other people.

seriously? said...

Yey for having positive things happening this week! I have to say (with head hanging shamefully and a sly smile) I LOVE (did I mention L-O-V-E) shallow, horrible judgemental things about others? My friend A and I sit around and do it as a hobby while having dinner.

JamieD said...

The 'helpful' advice never ceases to amaze me.

I have always been interested in foster care, but it is something my Hubby would never go for. So I look forward to hearing all about your home visit and classes!