So, on one of the blogs I read this week, the woman posted a picture of herself at 14 weeks. She is also pg with twins. And I thought, Holy crap! I certainly do not look that big. Which of course made me worry. Dr. C has done no measuremens. So, what if my twins aren't developing like they should? Panic. Fear. Must.Do.Something.
So, I took a bunch of pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. I just stripped down to my bra and pajama pants, didn't even bother cleaning up the toothpaste splatters off the mirror. And then I put the pictures side by side with hers. She definitely 'appears' larger than me. But I think she is just normally thinner than me, so her baby had nowhere to go but out. I, on the other hand, have always had what I like to call birthing hips and so my babies have lots of space to float around in, plus a few layers of fat to hide beneath.
But I know I'm getting bigger. I've been wearing maternity pants for weeks. And the tops I bought don't appear as huge as they seemed when I bought them. But the biggest clue that I am indeed pregnant is the fact that I keep runnning my belly into things. Last night it was the counter in front of the kitchen sink. Today, it was the counter at work, and then a chair I was pushing in. So, no more comparing myself to skinny girls and their basketballs. And no more listening to people tell me I look so small (seriously, one guy at work today asked me if I'd lost weight!). I have told gads of people how small they look. Its meaningless!
But one last complaint. I am normally overweight, and my belly is divided into two rolls. My FUPA and then a muffin top. Ish. I know. And can I just say that I cannot wait for them to merge, to be one continuous baby bump, and not two distinct flabby rolls?! My friend K who is a month ahead of me, sent me pics today and she still has the two distinct rolls. She thought they went away at about 22 weeks for her last time. Seriously?! That will be after Christmas! So, I'm hoping the twins and their taking up more space will cause my rolls to collide by...say...Thursday!
My insomnia continues. DH almost died last night. (Read: I almost killed him). I fell asleep at 8:45 and I wake at 10:30pm to him clipping his fingernails in the spare bathroom which is about 3 steps from my head (if you didn't have to go through a wall).
Imagine it's you waking up to - Tink! pause. Tink! pause. pause. Tink! Tink! pause.
So, I jump him about that, he comes to bed, and immediately proceeds to snore and breathe loudly. So, I gather up my blankie and pillow and head to the couch. His phone is in the living room and begins ringing at 11:30. Which I guess I shouldn't complain about because its not like I had fallen asleep yet anyway, but still! It rings again, so I get up to check it, and his father has left him voicemail. I think to myself, Gee, its kind of late for his dad to be calling. Maybe I should take T the phone. So, I bring it to him, and he listens to the message. His dad is calling about a leaky water meter at his grandparents house!!!!!!! Where no one lives. Definitely wake my insomniac pregnant wife up kind of business!
So, I go back to the couch, relieved that there is no family emergency, and stay there until 6:30. I did sleep off and on, mostly off. I even tried a new technique - reading - which helped some. I was tired all day, but am going to try to force myself to stay up later tonight because I read that might help. It would also help if my husband tried to be more quiet. Any other foolproof methods?
Random Song of the Day
The Jordin Sparks song One Step at a Time has been playing on my XM a lot this week, and its been reminding me of our IVF journey and now our pregnancy. It seems like I always want(ed) everything right away, but we really did not get here overnight. It all happened in baby steps. And I don't know, the song is just so uplifting, that I thought I would share it with you in case it gave anyone hope.
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch
You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time
You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew
When you can't wait any longer (you can't wait)
But there's no end in time (when you need to find the strength)
It's your faith that makes you stronger (the only way we get there)
The only way we get there
Is one step at a time