It's 5:14pm. I've been home all day with Will who has an ear infection and a high fever and is just not very happy about it. Who could blame the poor little guy?! For the first time in his almost 10 months on this earth, he fell asleep on the floor today.
The house is silent.
I am tired.
Stressed from being up all night holding Will, getting him a doctor's appointment first thing this morning, getting his brother to daycare, stopping by my office to pick up some work to do at home, getting Will to the pediatrician, getting Will to get his rx at Walgreen's and getting home all before 10am. And then putting him to nap so I could work, but really not being able to concentrate much, because I had to clean my house for my friend to come over to stay with him while I went to my very own doctor's appointment.
I finally broke down on Friday and called my endocrinologist about my body scan and blood work. I saw the note today in his hand, it said "Wants to know test results" which isn't a direct quote of my call, but good enough. His nurse called this morning while I was in the Starbucks drive thru - did I mention I had time for a pit stop on the way to Will's dr appt? Yum! Anyway, his nurse called, and they had a cancellation for today (supposedly) and they got me in. Not sure it was worth the time and money that will cost my insurance company when he's just referring me back to my oncologist, but its over now.
Dr M said that the first radiation treatment killed off my remaining thyroid cells, and this second one will be to treat the cancer. And its "common" to have multiple treatments. I asked him to quantify "common." He says 20-30%. He says the cancer cells I have are so small, so trace, that they are undetectable with sonogram, so its not like I have a big tumor. He seemed to be dismissive of the cancer (its miniscule, but its cancer, so we gotta treat it) without being dismissive of me. Which felt really good.
My radiation won't be for at least 6 weeks, because I have to go on this other non-Synthroid prescription for a month, then be without any thyroid replacement for the two weeks that I do that stupid rotten low iodine diet. Blech! The diet on which you can eat nothing and you still gain weight because your metabolism is so freaking slow! Yes, that one.
So, I made it all day eating right. I had a skinny latte from Starbucks. Leftover South Beach friendly chili for breakfast. A piece of natural peanut butter on whole grain double fiber bread for lunch. And some water here and there. But tonight I'm thinking PIZZA and CHOCOLATE. Self medication is good, right? In moderation. If I don't do it every night.
Whether or not I eat the pizza, I'm beginning to recognize this pattern where I reward myself for putting up with a doctor's appointment by eating my fav breakfast sandwich from Panera, or I make myself feel better for having a rough morning by having a chocolate shake. The last few weeks, I haven't been succombing to the temptation. I mean, I feel it, but I've really been letting it pass and just eating the right thing.
And it has paid off. Not my goal weight by any means. I mean, wouldn't it be great if you could lose one pound for every salad you ate? It would be great. But that's not the world I live in. But I did happen to lose about 6 pounds since my last appointment with the endocrinologist, back on January 4th. I'd rather have lost 10, but I'll take my 6. If only the doctor had noticed ...