19 weeks 5 days

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I have just been focused on my husband and not all the other distractions of life for the past few days. And it has been absolutely heavenly, I must say.

We had our getaway this weekend. Chose totally overpriced hotel room, to spoil my husband who was not having anything less - even though we normally cruise by in the safest, cheapest place available (i.e. Motel 6). But I forgave him right away because my fabulous Hilton points from all my work travel, apparently make me a preferred guest, and we were upgraded to a condo with such fabulous amenities as a fountain-view balcony, two flat panel tv's, a two person shower, and very large jet tub! Thank you, Hilton.

For some reason, this little getaway has somehow made the pregnancy more real. Like somehow connecting with my husband allowed me to slow down and to dream about our life as parents. I find myself wondering more about how they will be, and who they will be. I think before I thought about the pregnancy in more abstract terms, or even in more to-do list terms like must complete pre-registration, must decide on names, must register for bedding. Whereas now, I am almost awed by the enormity of the fact that there are two little people living inside me. Wow.

I am out of town for work tonight, but DH read to me over the phone a letter we received today from our RE. It made me tear up, it was so heartfelt and so sweet. She was thanking us for the note and cookies we brought her and the other staff last week. And telling us what great parents we will be, and how much she has enjoyed knowing us, and how much she looks forward to meeting the boys. I'm tearing up just thinking that she wrote these things to us. I cannot believe it worked. I cannot believe we are pregnant. I really, truly, with all my heart, had given up. I never thought we would be here.

And so it seems significant that I'm feeling this way, sitting in a hotel room in Garden City, KS. The same hotel where I wrote on my blog back on Mother's Day. The same road trip that I decided DH and I should pursue foster parenting. We are licensed now, waiting for our first placement. And we're expecting twin boys. It's really ironic or poignant or some other word I don't have right now. It's really something to be here geographically and figuratively.

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In daycare news, DH's Aunt said she would watch the boys EVERY DAY for us this summer, except the four weeks she has summer school, but I think that's too much. I'm going to continue to look for other providers, but know she is a backup.

My visit to LPA on Friday was fine. A very clean environment, and peaceful. But I definitely need to keep looking. As I told DH, I wasn't overwhelmed with a sense that this was the right place. It was okay, but I need to feel it in my gut. Plus, it would be nice if I didn't have to sell my plasma to cover the charges.

My goal for the rest of this week is to call the centers I didn't get called last week, and to recall all the ones I did call to see if they offer a part time rate. But I have a big project that's wrapping up at work this week, so I'll be lucky if I can find the time.