Tuesday, December 9, 2008


So, the bad news first. My company is losing money in some markets - not all. So, they are cutting back training. And, as my job is to coordinate all training and development for the entire company, my workload is being cut back substantially. And this, after I just finished up a 3-year project that had forced me to do my actual job half-assed all this time. I was really looking forward to doing MY job, and doing a much better job than I've been able to for SO long. And literally the day my schedule opens up - yes, THEE day! - they cancel three of my four big events.

I agree with their decision. We are laying people off. And the money savings could spare a few people their jobs. I get it. I agree. But in the meantime, I still have to fill my workday. And so, now I will be stuck doing crappy IT projects that I (you pick your favorite here: abhor, detest, fucking hate!) and so I want to pout. I DON'T WANT TO! Now, I should be happy to have a job, but why, out of 500+ people in the company am I the only one to have her work just ripped out beneath her feet? Of course, I have a million other things I COULD do during this time, but a real team player would help IT because I can translate for them to operations and accounting, and because they're always behind, and because I'm uniquely qualified to do so. But did I mention I don't want to?

So, pouting here at home. And have already been delegated two crappy IT projects, plus the one I had promised to help them finish up even though I was supposed to officially 'retire' from IT on Monday. Poor me!

We *almost* had our first foster placement tonight. We have had two offers before, but had to turn them down because my work schedule made me out of town, or they didn't have daycare and I had to work. But today, it was a 16-month old girl, L., who was being taken from her teenage mother, who is currently living in a residential teen mother home in the area. Apparently, L's mother has been skipping school, so the judge was going to take L away for a few days to teach her a lesson. But in court today, the judge decided the absenteeism isn't as bad as first thought and so mother and child get to stay together. I am happy for the child, because it would have been SO traumatic for this little one to come to stay with us, this little one who according to our worker had never been away from her mother. And its not like she's a bad mom, just truant. So, I'm relieved for the child, but I will admit it was a letdown. I was excited that we were going to have a little one in the house, and that were finally going to get a chance to help.
The best news ever is that I for sure am feeling the twins move now, sometimes. Last night, I was on the couch and thinking I felt kicks, so I put the remote on my belly (trick my friend K recommended). And I could see it move when I felt a kick. What's more - DH could see it move. So after a few kicks, I took it off, and I could see my skin bounce when I felt a kick. After the worry about my job, and having to do crappy IT jobs, it was very emotional for me to be reminded of what really matters, and to focus on my boys for awhile. And it was particularly powerful because my husband was the first to notice the remote move, and so special that we could share that moment.
Have regular OB appointment tomorrow, and biopsy on my goiter on Thursday. Probably will be at least a week before we get the results back, so still not focusing on the 'C' word, but its looming....
(20w 5d)


JamieD said...

I am so sorry to hear about your job. Yes it is good you still have a job, blah, blah, blah. But hard to celebrate when it isn't the one you want. Or the one you thought you were going to have Monday!

But YAY! for baby kicks!

PJ said...

It's all about perspective, and I'm really glad that you have the babies to focus on right now. Denise from Freezer Buns (see link on my blog if you don't know her) is almost due with twins and actually recorded the babies moving in her belly! It was freakish and wonderful, all at the same time!