Sunday, June 22, 2008

Let's Get Personal

Infertility's affect on a couple's sex life.

Now there's a depressing topic!

I have been thinking about it a lot this week for some reason. And even though I'll tell you all about my psychotic emotional breakdowns, cervical mucus, bikini wax, and my girlie bits - its really uncomfortable to talk about my sex life.

But I think I want to. Because telling you things helps me work through them, and to feel better, so here we go ...

My sex life sucks. (stares at blinking cursor thinking to self, what more is there to say?)

Ok, I just wrote about 50 paragraphs and then deleted it. No matter how anonymous I wish this is, or how much I want to just get this feeling off my chest, my sex life with my husband is sacred, and I can't tell you all the things that make it suck so bad.

I don't think he'll leave me over it, and I don't think he would cheat. But it bothers me that this area of our marriage is so shitty right now, and has been off and on during the TTC journey. I want it to be better, I want to work on it, but my sex drive is so in the toilet. It's abysmal. It's like totally non-existent.

Ok, ladies, I don't want details, but seriously, am I the only one who cannot even remember the last time she had sex? Or the only one who has felt the impact of IF in this area? I don't remember anyone ever warning me about this.


PJ said...

Um, probably TMI, but what the hell...we had sort of the opposite problem, and he took a little pill which did the trick. Do they make them for women? I wonder.

But yea, even with that the IF stuff wreeks havac probably mentally, and physically.

Hope that you get some good advice here and things start looking up!

Duck said...

yeah, total non existent for many months... I was always in pain and hugging a hot water bottle.

Only good thing about being told I will never be pregnant, the sex is back...!!
So it can come back, and it's not just you.

sara said...

I'm sorry that you're on the sex drought also. During our IUIs the sex was way down. Then we didn't do it leading up to our IVF, then I got a complete placenta previa = no sex, now I have a cerclage and incompetent cervix = no sex, no orgasms WTF!!!! So basically an entire calendar year will go by with no sex between my husband and I when we're done. Should I cry now or later? But the sad thing is that I don't even miss it most of the time :-) NCLM)

sarbear said...

I hear ya, sister! Once we found out we had Male Factor, he didn't have much of a drive cause he thought he was "broken". A couple of months after that was our IVF cycle. Well, I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but having your husband see your woo-ha with a big ol' vag cam just doesn't make you feel very sexy. Let alone all the crazy hormones & bloating. So, yes. Our sex life has been pretty non-existent and probably will be for a few more months since IVF #2 starts next month.

Hope yours gets better!!!

G said...

You mean looking at your husband after a romp in the sack and saying... OMG We just had non baby making sex, weird!! isn't normal?

Our sex life is crappy, but lately we have been *talking* about it at least. That's the first step for us (and led to unscheduled sex). And sometimes, you just have to get drunk and screw (jimmy!)...

Anonymous said...

Oh, I just posted thoughts on that myself, before I found your post. I haven't really seen this being discussed in blogs because one's sex life really is a sacred thing. But it's also such an important thing when it's not working, isn't it. It's a relief (and very sad, of course) to find that this is not unique to me (us). I don't know the answer, but if you figure it out or a nice 'trick' of some sort, please let me know! :-)

Amber said...

Mine sucks and it's my fault. I just don't feel like it. But I do try to work in some sexy-time on a regular basis. Truthfully, if I didn't "schedule" it then I would not be able to tell you the last time we had sex. It's not like I put it on a calendar but I try to keep in mind the last time we did it and make sure we do it every so often. If I can't remember the last time then it's time to have sex. I feel so bad for my Dh. Between ART cycles, hormones, m/c, depression I a mess. Not a hot mess...just a mess.

Alacrity said...

Um. Yes. Me. Can't remember for sure, but if I am right it was so long ago it is embarrassing.

JamieD said...

Same here - after a year of trying the sex life went in the crapper. Something about being infertile and bloated just doesn't make me feel sexy and my doc has placed so many rules on us Hubby feels like he needs to consult a chart just to get through it.

1. Every other day starting on CD 11
2. Missionary position for best deposit of the boys
3. No artifical lubricants
4. Etc, etc

I almost feel like my OB is in the room with us. And it is really hard to make mandatory every other day sex spontanous and fun.

Sam said...

that must be tough. I can't really comment as I don't have a bloke to have a sex life with :-( but I think that the more "work" it is the less enjoyable it becomes.

As jamied says, how can it be fun when it feels like your OB is in the room with you!!?