Monday, June 16, 2008

Sometimes I Hate Being a Girl

1. No, I did not take that picture of the tornado. But I wish I had. I bet its worth some moola. It was emailed to me by a friend who claimed it was the tornado that hit in Chapman, KS last week. However, according to the AP, it was taken by some old lady in Iowa. But a surreal snapshot nonetheless and I'm glad others were as taken by it as me.

2. The Kansas Department of Health and Environment is in charge of creating the regulations for foster care homes. And as I am as of yet unsure about my loophole, I am going to hold judgement. But if I'm denied because of this basement bull crap, then there may be picketing. And letter writing.

3. Resisted urge to call agency today to pre-discuss basement woes. Am being strong, using my 2ww-must-resist-urge-to-pee-on-a-stick skills to not dial her up. Which is worse - person with basement, or psycho who calls daily because she won't simply wait for her home visit?

4. Had emotional breakdown at lunch today. Eyes welled up with tears. Tears rolled down cheeks. And all over this ridiculous song that is not even remotely about children or love or soldiers dying or any of the other usual suspects. It was "Multiply" by Jamie Liddell (see video below) which is a groovy little tune. So seriously, must be wacky crazy hormonal-ness.

I knew I was blue in the morning, so procured a steak quesadilla and chocolate shake for some emotional eating and was headed to my friend M's office. He had called me at lunch and asked for some help. So, I had planned to stop by his office and eat my lunch with him. And I kept thinking on the drive how I would open up and tell him how grateful I was to be helping him, to have an excuse to do something different, and to thank him for saving me from facing my office. I just couldn't sit in there all day. I just needed a change of scenery for some reason. But when I got to his office, there were two other guys in there. He wasn't patient enough for me to get back to the office, but had asked a male co-worker. And I felt like I had just walked into the boys club, a secret meeting without me. Which on any other day I would have kicked up my feet and joined them, but today, I was needy and strangely weepy, so I needed his undivided attention. So, I said, Oh, you don't need me, and left and then I ate alone in my office.

But later, after I was done being ridiculous, went back to my friend's office and explained my strange reaction. And all is well. He says to me, I'm glad we didn't go to bed mad. Seems he knew I was upset, but couldn't tell why, but figured it was somehow the presence of the others. I hate that he had to see me this way. I hate that I was so put off by such a simple thing. Sometimes I hate being a girl.

And am now tearing up again.


6 comments:

DC said...

I'm sorry you're having a no good, very bad day. *hugs*

PJ said...

((((hugs))))

Hormones = the root of so much evil! sigh...

PJ said...

So you guys are male factor, and that's why your RE wanted you to do the testing? Trying to remember if you are low morphology?

Kim said...

I know, sometimes it would be nice to check my girliness and hormones at the door! nclm

Still Standing Strong in A Bloom of Hope. said...

*hugs*

i hate being a girl too. :(

i'm gonna tag you..cuz i like your blog..:)

here from NCLM.

Candid Engineer said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling the best. I hope the quesadilla and shake helped you out... sure sounds good to me. Cheers from NCLM.