Horrible Sadness

Today started like any other day this week. Aggressive schedule. Contractor meetings. Chauffering the owners of our company around town. I was feeling really good about all my boss and I had accomplished in the past two weeks. I was excited to go have some beer with him, and debrief from our big day of meetings, and debate the pros and cons of our top two choices.

On my way to the beer joint, I called the office to let them know I wouldn't be coming in today. It was just before 3pm.

And everything stopped.

One of our dear employees, J, never came back from lunch. She had an aneurysm at lunch. All by herself. A treat she gave herself on pay days. Her favorite little Italian place a few blocks from the office. She began vomiting, and collapsed. She never regained consciousness. This evening, after she was transferred to a better trauma center, they performed tests and found no brain activity. Someday tonight or tomorrow, her family will take her off of life support.

The true irony is that one month ago to the day, her ex-husband - the one true love of her life and father of her only child - killed himself. One.Month.To.The.Day.

And now their adult daughter has to try to live. With all this tragedy.

And I'll never see her again. Never be able to tell her how much we appreciate her. How important she is to our success. How we treasure her as a person. It's just all over. In an instant.

When her ex-husband died, I debated whether or not I should go to the funeral. I'm an outsider here. I moved here when my company 'bought' this company, acquired these employees. I didn't know if she would want me there or not. But I don't often get much opportunity to tell these employees that I value them as people, so I went to the funeral. On a Saturday. Even though it pretty much eliminated half of my quality time with the boys for that weekend. Looking back, I'm so glad I went. I thanked her here and there, but I never got to tell her how important she was to me. Hopefully that one small gesture gave her some sort of an idea of how important she was to me. I hope.

I thought venting all these thoughts here would make it more real to me, but its not. I just can't hardly believe its true. I can't believe she's gone. And I'm just so so sad.

Sad News Fun News

I could make every 'thankful' post about the boys. I am so grateful to have them. I love them just the way they are. They're funny, cute, spirited little dudes.

Here's two reasons why. A long and short story.

1 - our dear friends here in Dallas. Probably the two people who have welcomed us the most. Lost their baby this week. The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. They are devastated, of course. They have a 19-month old baby girl, who is adorable and fun. And they were both so happy to be pregnant again. I am so sad for their loss, and still so grateful we never had to endure a miscarriage.

2 - for the past week or so, our little Will has been taking off his pajamas sometime between 8pm and 7am. Correction: his pajamas AND his diaper. Shocking the first time, I'm sure you can imagine. Even when there is poo in his diaper, he hasn't played in it (thank GOD) and has not made pee'd or poo'd anywhere in his crib. He just takes off his pajamas. So, last night, I took an old school diaper safety pin and pinned his zipper through both sides of his pajamas. These are the flannel pajamas with the feet.

The little contortionist somehow got the pajamas down to his waist while they were still zipped up! He must have somehow got his arms pulled out of the sleeves, and then maneuvered them up through the collar. But his hips prevented him from getting them all of the way off. So, tonight, he is sleeping in the outfit he wore today to see if its the pajamas he doesn't like, or he just likes to strip and go naked.

I worry about him getting cold, hopefully he'll cry if he needs us.

I love that he has combined my intelligence and tenacity with his father's mechanical aptitude. And I'm so thankful that I get to be his mom!

All Abount the Benjamins

Today I am grateful for the good fortune of finding out my DH's new job is a 'qualifying event' so I can open a Dependent Care Reimbursement Account with my employer. Which will save us about $1500 in taxes in 2011. Woo Hoo!

Less Pout, More Gratitude

So, DH called our accountant today and learned that the extra % in the tax bracket is just for the income actually IN our tax bracket. So, its not the extra 10% on all of our income, just that which we earn over the 15% bracket. Soooooo grateful he made that call! Life feels much better today. Still not wealthy or all the disposable income I'd like but he did save us (in my mind) about $7,0000.

Can I get a (tax) break?

So, with DH's new job starting next week, we have been updating our budget in anticipation of the great wealth one would expect with my ginormous raise in taking this job, and his 50% raise over his last job back in Wichita.

Can any of you guess what the problem is with all these windfalls?????

We are now moving up a tax bracket. And not just a small move. A big one. The big one. 10% more of our income will now belong to the federal government. All my life I have felt like paying taxes is a small fee for the freedoms and infrastructure we have in the United States. It's a small fee. Until you lose an additional 10% of your income just because your husband got a job!

DH is so positive. He says we've just reached a new plateau and every increase in income over this will be gravy. I'm trying to knock things off of our monthly expenses. Car payments. Student loans. Daycare. Yes, the boys will start pre-school full time in one week, and I'm already counting down the months until they can participate in the local education system. Seriously, SO expensive! But worth it.

I am still in disbelief, and looking forward to talking to our accountant when we get our taxes done in hopes of something other than the standard deduction or our standard exemptions or some advice that can help us to decrease our taxable income. I fear it will just be the way it is for us for a few years. Stupid taxes.

We're looking for a new home. Somewhere closer to where my office will move next September. We're not serious about looking at homes, but just about neighborhoods and commute times right now. So far, nothing we absolutely love. In my exhuberance to take this job, one part I was really looking forward to was finally getting our dream home. Right now we life in a closet-sized condo which is VERY cost effective. The rent is low, the utilities are low, the internet and cable are free. But the finish work, ah the finish work, is GORGEOUS! Dark hardwood floors, travertine tile, granite countertops. But tiny. I want the same finish, but more spacious, with a yard for the boys. And a kitchen counter / island that opens to the living space. Oh, and a two-car garage. Staring down winter, I'm definitely going to miss that while living in this condo.

And so today, I am trying to be grateful that we're thinking of this tax bracket crap in advance and hopefully won't be surprised by a big bill come tax time for 2011. And grateful that we have plenty of time and options. I should be grateful for all the extra income, but right now, the net is a loss not a gain, so it doesn't feel very extra. And mostly I am just pouting.

Saturday

Saturday is an easy day to be grateful. I was so happy to sleep in (even though I accidentally had set my alarm). We had a great morning at a local fall festival with some friends from work. The boys were terrified of the bouncy house, but enjoyed the bouncy slide and the train! I enjoyed a quiet afternoon to myself shopping for me and my boys. The boys needed new car seats since DH got a job, we'll both need car seats in our cars in case one of has to work late, etc. I 'needed' new black boots for my skinny jeans. And the boys also got some new blocks and new pajamas...And tonight, DH and I enjoyed some pad thai. And now we're vegging on the couch with some good Tivo on the tv. I am so grateful for Saturdays!

Three More

11/10 - Grateful this day is over! Whew! It was killer!

11/11 - Thankful the weekend is almost here!

11/12 - GRATEFUL for the weekend!!!!!

Are you sensing the theme?! It was a big, big week for me at work. And now I'm ready to veg with my fam. Love.Those.Dudes.

Did I tell you DH got a job?! So, the boys will be in pre-school/daycare 5 days/week starting on the 22nd. They're already going one day / week to Mother's Day Out at this pre-school, and I know the structure environment will be good for them. I'm happy for the extra income, and yet kind of pouting that now I'll have to get up earlier, so the boys and I can be on the road in time to drop them off at school and still get to work on time. (sigh)

Family Pics

Grateful my crazy photographer FINALLY delivered our family photos today. Only 2.5 weeks late, and after the following excuses (lies)

• My email didn't go through


• They were lost in the mail


• My father in law has cancer


• My grandmother is dying


• I'm in the ER with pneumonia


• My daugher is sick


• My husband is out of town


• I'm going through a divorce


• I'm in a 3-day walk for the cure


• And the greatest of all when she showed up at my office earlier today ... I left the CD at home! That's right! She had to make TWO TRIPS over 30 miles each way to finally get the CD to me. Poor little liar!

Catching Up

11/6 - Thankful for a great evening of family fun having my mom kick my butt in Scrabble!

11/7 - Grateful that my wonderful mother came to visit - and grateful that she's gone so DH and I could just hang on the couch!

11/8 - Thankful for my kick a** job that I totally rocked today. Busyness and Business going well!

Day 5

Thankful for my work ethic, and happy I'm not the crabby person I have to deal with today.

Day 4

So, I missed Day 3.

1) I am thankful for the person who expressed interest in my car today. It's only been for sale for like 5 months. Hopefully, they like what they see!!!!!

2) I am thankful to live in Dallas with all its vast resources. Today we took the boys to the children's museum which was awesome. What a way to wear them out!

30 days of Thanksgiving

Here is a Halloween pic. DH is the Situation. And me as Snookie in the back. I had a few too many and deleted 'all' of the pictures on our camera, so this is the best I have of our costumes.

I have been seeing on Facebook where people are posting one thing each day for the month of November for things they are thankful for. I really don't feel like doing that on Facebook, but it is totally something I would have done back when I took better care of this blog. So, I'm going to give it a shot. Since today is the second, I have some making up to do.

1. I am thankful that my mammogram was clear last month. And I don't have to have another one until I'm 40. How incredibly humiliating!!!!!

2. I am thankful that I did not make a total arse of myself at this Halloween party with my co-workers this weekend. (My boss is the mad hatter!) Everyone seemed to reach the same state of drunkeness at the same time, so I was saved.

Hopefully I'll have something else for you tomorrow.