My maternity leave ends tomorrow. And by that, I mean, the leave I have saved up, less the leave I have saved for my thryoid surgery, less the one day each week I haven't been getting paid, has come to an end.

I was able to rejoin the adult world for two events today. The Wichita Prayer Breakfast was this morning. I always enjoy this event, and am so grateful to work for the kind of company that not only supports its employees' attendance but buys the tickets! And I enjoyed a small luncheon with our new City Manager, which is a perk of being so young and having given x number of dollars to our local united way. Don't worry. It's not that much money. And I'm not that big of a deal. DH stayed with the boys for bfst, and my friend J. stayed with them at lunch.

And I feel so ... me ... again. Renewed. Refreshed. And wanting those two sleeping beauties to wake up and hang out with me, because I missed them.

Which is how I know that heading back to work next week will be not just a good thing, but a great thing for A. As I've always said, I'll be a much better mommy if I go back to work. I'm simply not wired to be a stay at home mom.

***

Did you happen to catch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy?

I have decided that I need to carry little signs with me, like the ones that Alex made up for Izzie to remind her of things, for the people who berate us with questions when we're out in public.

1. No, they are not identical.

2. No, twins do not run in our family.

Ok, seriously, I know people are just trying to be polite, but what freaking difference would it make if they were identical? Seriously?! SO.OVER.THAT.QUESTION. Which is probably why I avoid eye contact and walk at a pretty fast pace whenever we're out of the house.

***

The boys are growing in ways I can't even fathom. In ways I don't even notice. I just know they look different. It's the little things, like how I tried out the baby carrier on Will today, and I wasn't worried about him suffocating between my boobs. He just fits in it now. He's also going bald. So, we call him Dwight Yoakum behind his back.

***

On Saturday, we had our first official paid babysitter. Two, actually. My college roommate's cousin and her friend. They were fabulous and I didn't have to worry about the boys at all. It was awesome to have that trust and freedom. But most of the time I just wanted to be back at the hotel enjoying the super comfy bed with my boys. See pic below of mommy and daddy's big night out.



And now Jack is waking up so I've got to go. Have a great memorial day weekend!!!!

First Mother's Day

This is my post from this day last year.

It was on my long, lonely drive that day that I heard the call to become a Foster Parent.

Here I am, a year later, with a husband who supported that goal, a foster care license, and twin boys of my own.

It was powerful for me to thank the man from church today for his caring comment last year.

But today is a new day.

Today is my first mother's day as a mom.

My husband got me a card, and a new cup with a lid from Starbucks that looks like the plastic cup they give you with an iced mocha. It's pretty cute! I think he's hoping I don't spill as much on our ottoman - which has been spilled on more in the past four weeks than in the past four years.

***

I've got just two weeks left to my maternity leave. And my company is still making cut backs. My first job when I get back was to train my new trainer. Again today (yes, Sunday) my boss is telling me not to work on his orientation plan, because she's not sure he'll ever start. Hopefully, we'll have a decision tomorrow. Poor guy has no idea his job may be in jeopardy. But I'd much rather it be him, than me.

My husband has three more weeks left at his current job.

I'm too lazy to look back and see what I've posted about this. Long story short - before the twins were born, he worked entirely too many hours - weeknights, weekends, holidays, etc. And he tied up more of our personal finances than I was comfortable with in his business.

In January, he and I agreed he would find another job by June 1 or be unemployed, because we needed a drop dead date. We needed a day that I could set my heart on and know it would all be okay.

Since the twins were born, he has worked only weekdays and has been off every night at 5. And that has been wonderful.

But he hasn't yet found a new job. He has had interviews, but no offers. He works very hard at finding a new job. But no dice.

We decided we don't want to give up our spot at the daycare place, for when he does find a job. We love her so much, and twins are so hard to place. Plus, he'd only have to clear $5/hour after taxes in order to pay cover the daycare expenses.

Anyway, we have this extra daycare expense (on top of diapers and formula) and possibly no income here in three weeks. Unfortunately, he won't be able to claim unemployment, because he effectively quit his position. So, I'm trying not to stress about it. We have enough in savings for him to be off work for 6 months. But the date is fast approaching....

This and That

So, here I am at 8:11am holding Jack, and Will is in his swing. We have had that swing since way before the boys were born, and I just discovered yesterday that not only does it vibrate, but it has a nature sounds setting. Might have been nice to know back when the boys were missing those sounds! But I am just happy that Will likes it.

***

My friend L dropped by last night, and brought us dinner. Yes, I know, we are spoiled. Here we are with boys who are almost 4 weeks old and people are STILL bringing us food. And it was delicious! DH and I inhaled everything!

Anyway, L has a 2-year old girl and is pregnant with a boy right now. Her amniotic fluid has dropped for no apparent reason, so they are monitoring her more closely. She is insulin-dependent, so kind of high risk anyway. She is a friend of a friend, who I met at a girls night in party about a year ago. I really liked her, and have kept in touch with her between parties.

But, there is something about her confidence, and her demeanor that makes me want to hate her and never see her again. She was great with the boys, very calm, and very soothing. But I don't know, its hard to explain, she's one of those super stay at home mom's who has read every book and has all this lingo. Example #1 - when she was here visiting while I was on bed rest, she brought her daughter and was using every single sentence as a teaching opportunity. I.E. Rebecca, can you hand me the YELLOW flower? For Pete's sake! Example #2 - last night she was telling Will she could feel the gas in his stomach and that he had a very large diaphram. Am I seriously intimidated by someone who can feel my son's organs through his skin? Well, yeah, I guess I am. I know I'm just being petty, but I had to vent a little.

***

It *looks* like it might not rain today. Which would be a HUGE relief, because we've been cramped up in this house for days on end. I don't have any plans today, so I think I will take the boys to meet their daddy's friends at work, and then to this huge, wonderful park nearby his store. It has great walking paths, but is on the complete opposite side of town, so I normally wouldn't go there.

We have had such a fabulous weekend, here in our humble little family. It is SO wonderful for my DH to have weekends and evenings off.

Yesterday, I made my weekly grocery trip. Blew my budget again. Bummer. And that was with meal planning around people bringing us several dinners this week, and figuring for the free formula samples we received at the pediatrician. Which is a long way of saying, it should have been way under budget, but mommy must have been hungry. Darn diapers, and snack food - they really add up!

In the early afternoon, DH's aunt and her husband stopped by to visit. I trust them. So, both DH and I took that opportunity to take a shower (get your minds out of the gutter - separate showers).

A few hours after that, our friend K came over and took some fabulous photos of the boys. The poor boys were so scared being naked, but she was so patient and got some amazing shots. Seriously, they are so beautiful - and that was just looking on her camera and the untouched raw footage. How will I ever choose which ones to buy?! I am SO excited to get them back, which will be several weeks from now. I can hardly wait!

And then, I can finally send announcements.

Today, we took the boys to church, and then the mall when his family cancelled lunch plans. We had such a nice, peaceful time at the mall and then Tar.get.

The boys have been sleeping for longer periods of time at night, which rocks. It's amazing what 2-3 more sleep a night will do for your outlook.

I really do feel like we have hit our stride, just this week. I can go places with both boys and not freak out. I can feed them both at the same time. And I'm not totally exhausted at all waking hours. We got here faster than I thought we ever would. Yay for us!

Here are a few mommy pics of the boys from this weekend - Will chillin' in his bouncer and Jack enjoying some tummy time.

I'm not Schizophrenic

Ok, I'm not schizophrenic. I know if you've read my thoughts about breastfeeding lately, that you might think I was.

I was committed to a month of breastfeeding, but its done. After pumping several times on Wednesday - more than I had done since we left the hospital - I got a total of 2 ounces. And it was stressing me out, trying to pump every time the boys were resting. And then yesterday, well, I never got around to pumping. So, last night, I decided to bite the bullet. I put the pump back in the box. I bagged up all the tubes and other containers. I put them all away so they couldn't look at me anymore. And I sighed to myself ... maybe next time, if we only have one.

I'm disappointed, but I knew it could come to this. Lots of people never even try. I did. And I did everything I could. And as my grandmother reassured me, they got the best, the beginning. So, breastfeeding is now a dead topic. Let's move on.

***

The boys and I had our first solo outing yesterday, to Target. One car seat in the cart, the other on the basket and we were ready to roll. They behaved beautifully. I bought three things. Pads. Coffee. Thank You's.

We had our second outing this morning, to the pediatrician's office, in the rain. The boys have now each gained over a pound. So, we were approved to go off the 3-hour feeding schedule. Which rocks. Except that so far today, they've fed on demand every 2 hours. I really only care about the nightime. Anyway, I was delighted that Jack is now well over 8 pounds, and Will is almost there.

The best part of the pediatrician's office was the nurse who did our weight check gave us about a week's worth of formula samples, several coupons, and enrollment in a multiples' club which will send us two 6-pack cases of formula as well. She also said to ask for samples every time we're in the office. So, we netted like $150 from today's trip.

***

I have made an appointment with my thyroid surgeon, to get that surgery scheduled. He will check to see how much my tumor has grown on May 11th. I was able to put it out of my mind while I was pregnant and couldn't do anything about it, but I feel fully recovered from the c section and I'm ready to get this taken care of so I don't have this black cloud following 5 feet behind me at all times.

***

DH and I have a photoshoot planned for tomorrow afternoon. Our friend is a photographer and she will be coming to our home. I can't wait to see the pictures, to capture their precious little selves before they get any bigger. And then....I can finally send out announcements!