One Step at a Time

I'd like to rush and multi-task and have that somehow speed up this schedule, but I can only get through this one step at a time.


I have to admit.

It's harder this time.



I'm more tired. Exhausted, really. After the injections started, all I can do is lay in bed. My poor husband had an even earlier start to my being no help (which we were expecting to start when I left for radiation). I can't stand. I can't pull myself out of bed. I just want to be laying down all the time. I can't even watch tv. I just lay here with my eyes closed.

I'm dizzy. When I stand. Even when I'm laying down and I move my head too fast.

I'm nauseas. I broke down and took the anti-nausea meds yesterday, which I never needed last time. My stomach is just churching. And I feel like I constantly need to go to the bathroom. And all this fruits is giving me tremendous gas.

I'm drooling more. I think I had this last time, too. It drips out onto my pillow or whatever surface on which my head has fallen. And it chokes me.

It really is harder this time. It's so bad that for the first time, I actually feel like I have cancer.

I go to the hospital tomorrow. I hope to eat normal food starting at noon on Tuesday. I am looking forward to a Papa John's pizza. Cheese. Large. With Garlic Butter Sauce.

This may not end up being the case, but I somehow associate eating real food with feeling better.