Sunday, March 14, 2010

One Step at a Time

I'd like to rush and multi-task and have that somehow speed up this schedule, but I can only get through this one step at a time.

I have to admit.

It's harder this time.

I'm more tired. Exhausted, really. After the injections started, all I can do is lay in bed. My poor husband had an even earlier start to my being no help (which we were expecting to start when I left for radiation). I can't stand. I can't pull myself out of bed. I just want to be laying down all the time. I can't even watch tv. I just lay here with my eyes closed.

I'm dizzy. When I stand. Even when I'm laying down and I move my head too fast.

I'm nauseas. I broke down and took the anti-nausea meds yesterday, which I never needed last time. My stomach is just churching. And I feel like I constantly need to go to the bathroom. And all this fruits is giving me tremendous gas.

I'm drooling more. I think I had this last time, too. It drips out onto my pillow or whatever surface on which my head has fallen. And it chokes me.

It really is harder this time. It's so bad that for the first time, I actually feel like I have cancer.

I go to the hospital tomorrow. I hope to eat normal food starting at noon on Tuesday. I am looking forward to a Papa John's pizza. Cheese. Large. With Garlic Butter Sauce.

This may not end up being the case, but I somehow associate eating real food with feeling better.


Jamie said...

I am so sorry. Nausea is my absolute worst - I can push through anything but nausea.

"I actually feel like I have cancer" - to hear this breaks my heart for you. I so wish there was something I could do to make your life just a little bit easier. I'll be praying for a end to the nausea, dizziness and for pizza on Tuesday.

LuckyOnce said...

Thinking of you and hoping that feeling this terrible ends very soon.

Plot2Theme said...

I am thinking "pizza pizza!" for you because I know you can't w/o getting nauseous. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

But it isn't the cancer! You are going through this to beat the smack out of your cancer. And you will come out the other side with your glorious new life...and all of the pizza you want!

Hugs from California. Julie