Sunday, August 28, 2011

Cancer Free 2.0

Had my scan on Friday. Unofficially, my second clean scan in a row. Just about 3 years from the day my tumor was spotted across the room by my OB. Just about. I've been obsessed with this goal of two clear scans for so long now, that I honestly don't know what comes next. I think its just blood tests and no scans. Which is nice because I can take my medication and eat what I want and just go in for blood tests which are nothing (um, yeah, because I'm an IF survivor, blood work doesn't bother me).

On Friday I was relieved while everyone else thought I should celebrate. Happy just isn't the appropriate emotion. Guess I'm not ready to let me guard down on that one yet. But I was highly emotional and weepy. And relieved. Like a huge weight had been lifted that isn't always there, but is definitely nagging at the back of my psyche at least during the weeks leading up to the scan and really always in the background, especially now that I won't have actual photos to rely on.

I don't want to compare it to IF. It's totally different, but I will tell you this. It's like taking a pregnancy test and hearing you're pregnant. That's my bloodwork. And then there's your sonograms. And that's the scan. So, I think, nay, I'm afraid, that I'm going to have to rely on no sonogram FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And I may have to get all IF crazy on my endo until he gives me the scans, just like my OB gave in and gave me all those sonos after I went to the ER every time I peed my pants. Ahh, the memories.

In other news, I am so tired I am almost delirious. Why can I never have just one thing going on at once? We moved my office into the building I've been working on for the past year yesterday. I have worked and lost sleep every night I can remember as far back as I can remember. And now, yes, now, this week, my son decides to start climbing over his baby gate. Please pray with me that he will not wake up in the night and then use his skills to unlock and walk out the front door. Which he can unlock the dead bolt, but there is a baby proofing device that prevents him from turning the handle, but I have seen him pry that plastic job off before. Everyone tells me he'll come to our room at night. Please pray this with me. If I wake up with him in my bed for every night until he turns, um, say, 18, that will be just fine with me as long as he never once goes outside unattended. Ok. Maybe not 18. 16? Too much?

And also, love this blog, love this post, had to share it HERE.

Nighty Night for you. Sleeping on the tile outside a 2-yr-olds' room for me :/

Monday, August 15, 2011

Flipping Out

I'm trying to keep my inner Angie-screams-alotti {ala Jeff Lewis} under wraps for the next two weeks. Thank God for my husband who is running daddy evening daycare while I hang in our bedroom and review the same to-do list seventeen times. Every solution seems to lead to another problem. Not exactly panicking but definitely feeling the last minute stress of my work moving to our new building. Which is {gorg} by the way!

Can you tell I'm watching the Kardashians?????

Right now the major stressor is every detail for which I must depend on an outside vendor. Uniform guy doesn't return calls or show up or follow up. Furniture sales person doesn't provide information in writing {whuck?} and can't finalize order that is being delivered in SIX DAYS. Pressure washer person tells us ours came in wrong, tells us there will be a delay, then calls the next day to say that wasn't our machine after all, which they discovered when ours DID arrive. Shop table vendor who miscommunicated with his vendor and tables will be late by as much as two weeks. Sink on backorder. Verizon phone installers on strike. And movers who showed up TWO WEEKS EARLY!

I handle all of these in stride, but when I start adding them up, well, I just am amazed at the incompetency of all these companies. And at times like these, we're only as good as our suppliers. Hmmmmm. It's not so bad. Nothing we can't or haven't formed contingency plans for, but, it gets old. Sometimes it would be nice to just have some {simple} in our life.

Anyway, I've been off my thyroid replacement for the third day in a row today. My metabolism has slowed down...which is evidenced by the consti and the weight gain {already} {sigh} and general achiness and brain drain. And perhaps my filter is gone, too?

I kinda snapped at my boss today. Big misunderstanding. Normally handle it better. I don't think he had any idea how close I came to losing it. I can feel myself being short with my employees. Who I normally would tease more and berate less. Not a lot of patience for their impatience when I'm spread so thin right now. Um, it takes you two more key strokes, so just deal for a day. Or.....the blank stare I gave a guy today who asked me to input three orders for him. I know. He's busy packing for the move. But ... oh well ... it was just easier to input his orders than rip him a new one.

Big news! Staycation begins Thursday at 9am. Which rocks. Except I have to leave to go test phone lines b/c our IT director has lost faith in the phone providers and its kind of a big deal that our phones work when we move. And I cannot find a sitter to save my life. Local lady who I love who hooks people up with sitters, not returning my emails. I think I'm getting spam filtered. So, now we're on to plan B - called the hotel and asked for who they use. Called them tonight. Seriously. There is no recession. Only people who aren't very good at taking care of business.

Sorry this has gotten so snarky. Bad mood, ya think?!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Asymmetrial What?

Nap Time @ mi casa.

Watching Jersey Shore in Italy.

Ate some leftover OTB (On the Border).

Drinking a Coke Zero.

Surfing the web for great salad recipes.

Checking in with the blog.

So, I haven't been freaking out about not drinking. I went a few weeks without drinking, then had a half a drink one night at a work outing. It didn't taste good and our waitress sucked so I didn't even get a chance to order something I did like.

I've had a few beers and glasses of wine at home. But not more than 2 a night. Not analyzing it, but also kind of keeping an eye on myself, just conscious of my drinking.


I have been losing weight. Kind of. Like .3 pounds per week or something similar to that. I think its my thyroid meds. I am getting ready for a body scan on 8/26. So, I'm off the Synthroid and on a med with a shorter half-life, Cytomel, and I have more energy, I have some other health benefits that are embarrassing to describe...just maybe we could say ... in the regularity department ... and I have more energy. I don't need to eat as much to feel full. And so I don't really feel deprived and so I'm losing a little weight. Not dramatic, but my pants are loser and I can wear clothes that I haven't warn in awhile. Fun. Would like to stay on it. Need to call my endo and see if he will let me.

The downside is I have to go off ALL meds on 8/12 and will be crazy, loopy off-her-thyroid-meds girl at quite possibly, once again, the most inconvenient time. You may recall the radiation treatment of 2010 wherein I was off my meds while packing up my house and leaving my job to move my family to Dallas where my husband did not have a job. Yes, its kind of like that again.

The company I work for, we have stores. And for the past year or so we have been BUILDING a new store. And we will be MOVING to our new store on 8/26. The day AFTER my body scan when I will have been off my meds for two weeks. And I will have to miss a couple half days of work to take blood tests, take low-dose radiation, get the scan, etc.

I also have a consultation that week with a plastic surgeon for a breast reduction. So tired of looking ridiculous in a swimsuit with my asymmetrical mess of a chest. Tired of having clothes fit my fat tummy but not over my big lopsided chest.

Busy week. Moving all of our building possessions, coordinating outside vendors and our employees, and lots of responsibility and at my best, I will feel like I'm suffering from a severe head cold.



The boys are way fun. Especially at this minute, cuz they're napping :) But seriously, they say funny things and carry themselves in funny ways. I have had to dissuade their interest in all things Thomas, because I can't stand that show. Their vocab expands faster than I can keep up. Although their favorite word is still 'no'

DH and I have a date planned for tonight. Groupon at a local restaurant and the boys will go to the drop in daycare, then a movie on the Tivo from Amazon. {sigh}

Later this month, we have a "staycation" planned with my boss and another co-worker and our families. I've been obssessed with getting a swimsuit that is flattering on my tummy and stretch marks {yikes!} and also supports the chest without making it pop out and scare my friends' children. Finally got one off the internet, but its a little big {i know, how can you buy a swimsuit on the internet? well, I just know the brand, I guess}

Am I seriously rambling on and on about swimsuits?! Let's just say I've got a lot going on and instead of worrying about movers and forklifts and furniture and vending machines and fuel tanks, I choose to spend my time surfing the internet for swimsuits, cover ups, and other items that support my vanity!