Had my scan on Friday. Unofficially, my second clean scan in a row. Just about 3 years from the day my tumor was spotted across the room by my OB. Just about. I've been obsessed with this goal of two clear scans for so long now, that I honestly don't know what comes next. I think its just blood tests and no scans. Which is nice because I can take my medication and eat what I want and just go in for blood tests which are nothing (um, yeah, because I'm an IF survivor, blood work doesn't bother me).
On Friday I was relieved while everyone else thought I should celebrate. Happy just isn't the appropriate emotion. Guess I'm not ready to let me guard down on that one yet. But I was highly emotional and weepy. And relieved. Like a huge weight had been lifted that isn't always there, but is definitely nagging at the back of my psyche at least during the weeks leading up to the scan and really always in the background, especially now that I won't have actual photos to rely on.
I don't want to compare it to IF. It's totally different, but I will tell you this. It's like taking a pregnancy test and hearing you're pregnant. That's my bloodwork. And then there's your sonograms. And that's the scan. So, I think, nay, I'm afraid, that I'm going to have to rely on no sonogram FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And I may have to get all IF crazy on my endo until he gives me the scans, just like my OB gave in and gave me all those sonos after I went to the ER every time I peed my pants. Ahh, the memories.
In other news, I am so tired I am almost delirious. Why can I never have just one thing going on at once? We moved my office into the building I've been working on for the past year yesterday. I have worked and lost sleep every night I can remember as far back as I can remember. And now, yes, now, this week, my son decides to start climbing over his baby gate. Please pray with me that he will not wake up in the night and then use his skills to unlock and walk out the front door. Which he can unlock the dead bolt, but there is a baby proofing device that prevents him from turning the handle, but I have seen him pry that plastic job off before. Everyone tells me he'll come to our room at night. Please pray this with me. If I wake up with him in my bed for every night until he turns, um, say, 18, that will be just fine with me as long as he never once goes outside unattended. Ok. Maybe not 18. 16? Too much?
And also, love this blog, love this post, had to share it HERE.
Nighty Night for you. Sleeping on the tile outside a 2-yr-olds' room for me :/