F.A.I.L.

Today was a mess.

I didn't think simply being out of my routine could cause things to go so terribly wrong, but I'm pretty sure it was all caused by stepping out of my routine.

I was planning to get my oil changed in my company car on the way to work, but the place I was taking it didn't open until 8am so I decided to just drop the boys off at preschool before I took my shower, which worked well, except that I must have looked like total a** b/c all the teachers looked at me like I might be drunk. FAIL.

So, I go home and take my shower. Except I used conditioner twice and shampoo never. And then proceeded to use shave cream on my poof instead of shower gel. There were actually a few minutes in the shower where I thought to myself, "Am I having a stroke?" FAIL.

So, I leave the house. Go to Starbucks. Somehow at my Starbucks a grande latte costs MORE than a venti latte. W.T.H.E.DOUBLE.HOCKEY.STICKS? FAIL.

The intersection by Starbucks is under construction and it takes me no.less.than. 4 times through the light routine before its finally my turn. Pick up my dry cleaning which has somehow come back stained. FAIL.

Decide, oh, I don't want to mess with the fancy oil change place, I'll just go to Walmart and then I can return the potty chair the boys don't like and do some of my weekend shopping while I wait. Drive west to Walmart only to find like 10 cars in line and no people in them. FAIL.

Drive East back to where I started (careful to avoid HORRIBLE stoplight) and go to one of the shining stars of my day - Autosplash - where you can sit IN your car while they change your oil. There was no line, and it took like 10 minutes including all the other crap they upsold me while I was sitting there.

Drive into the city for work. Work some. Go to lunch. Decide to try the Jack in the Box Chicken Fajita Pita which was delish, but the line was about 30 minutes beginning to end at the drive thru. Not exaggerating here. I would have driven my car over the curb had it not been a company car, and had the curb not been blocked by a big concrete wall. NOT.WORTH.IT. Fail.

Work for the afternoon. Leave early to beat the rain/Friday traffic. Decide part way home to drive past the Majestic Liquor Store b/c DH had sent me an email that BETHENNY FRANKEL was going to be making an appearance. It took me 30 minutes to drive 4.6 miles due to 5:00 traffic that had nothing to do with her, only to round the corner and disover about 1,000,000 women standing in the rain with umbrellas or carrying out cases of Skinny Girl margaritas. I had no umbrella and I don't even like tequila, so I just drove home. FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.FAIL.

Forever later I arrived home where I should have just stayed all day. Because sometimes a girl just can't win.