The Most Embarrassing Story Ever

Yesterday at about 4:30, I went to unplug my cell phone from the charger and felt like my tummy was really tight. I then had to pee several times in succession, and each time I went, I noticed that my panties were getting wet. (Like I had been playing with my boobs for 30 minutes wet). So, I started to get worried. I texted my friend S. who had leaked amniotic fluid with her pregnancy, and my friend K. who is an authority in all things pregnancy related. In the meantime, I was looking up symptoms online and calling my OB’s office for advice. After arguing with the receptionist (politely) about how I could not determine whether or not I had an emergency until I talked to a nurse, and her telling me how I had to leave a message for a nurse and my call might be returned in 24 hours if it wasn’t an emergency, I finally convinced her to hand walk a message back to my OB’s nurses. I think she felt bad for me. It was 4:58 at this point, and said she couldn’t promise I would get a call back by 5. But Nurse S. (fav nurse) called back about 5 minutes later.

To complicate matters, I get zero cell reception in the building I’m working at this week. Zero. My phone makes horrible warning sounds like a nuclear war is going to happen during phone conversations, when I’m trying to make calls, etc. So, I was standing in the entry way to the building (too windy outside) trying to have some privacy while telling the nurse about my vaginal mess and my panties. And its right at 5:00, so a billion employees are leaving and asking me if I need a ride, telling me to have a good day, etc. Very stressful for me.

Nurse S. tells me to watch the flow, she can’t guarantee it isn’t amniotic fluid. She tells me to go home, change my underwear, and if I get a silver dollar every hour to go to the emergency room. As I’m talking to her on the phone, I can actually feel wetness dripping out of me, like when I have my period.

After about 10 more minutes, I decide that if I wait and something goes horribly wrong that I will regret it forever, so I decide to head straight to the emergency room. DH is out of town playing golf. So, my friend S. who called in response to my text earlier, will meet me there with her 3-year old son, T. I spend the drive across town calling my friend K, my boss, DH, etc. I get to the ER at 5:30. I’ve never been to an ER before. I’ve never been in the hospital before. I’m a little shell shocked walking in, and couldn’t even quite figure out what to tell the people at the front desk what was wrong. I get triaged as urgent, not critical, sat in a wheelchair, and waited about 5 minutes before S. showed up. Waited another 10 minutes or so before they took me back.

First, they took a urine sample. Then, they decided to swap my vag and check the ph. pH test immediately indicated that I did not have any amniotic fluid in my vag. Good news, but they thought perhaps a UTI or some sort of vag bacterial infection. So, they left me sitting while they waited for the urine test results. T. and S. entertained me and distracted me during the wait. DH arrives around 6:45, so S. and T. leave. Doctor comes back, tells me that I do not have a UTI, but it will take a few days to get the vag bacteria tests back. They call my OB’s office and the OB on call (S’s OB) recommends a sono to verify amniotic fluid is still okay.

They tell me to drink a glass of ice water or two, because they want me to have a full bladder. About the time I get to the bottom of the second cup of water, they determine I do not need a full bladder, so they take me to the sono. Sono looks good, two heartbeats, even levels of amniotic fluid in both sacks, and the tech was super sweet and even gave us a couple of souvenir pics (see attached). I was freezing and shivering from the ice water, so she gave me a blanket. I peed about 3 more times.

Go back and wait for the doctor who does come back to discharge me about 7:30 (we didn’t get out until a little after 8 since we had to wait for some paperwork). He cannot say with 100% certainty that I was not leaking amniotic fluid earlier, but when he took the swab there was none in my vag. So, its not 100%. He recommends having amniotic fluid checked in a few days to be sure its holding steady. But seriously, what are the odds that I would have fluid leaking from both and it would leak in equal proportion? Pretty much guaranteed I’m not leaking from there. So, I must be leaking from somewhere else. So, he thinks I peed my pants.

Pause for effect.

Yes, I went to the emergency room (calmly, not crying, not demanding or freaking out, but in an emergency room nonetheless) because I peed my pants and didn’t even know it.

Today, Dr. C's nurse calls and tells me that he thinks it was just vaginal secretions and proceeds to tell me how during your first time pregnancy you can be concerned about all the extra stuff, but your vaginal walls are expanding to accommodate childbirth, and with twins it can be even more. Yes, my OB thinks that I was just freaking out over normal vaginal secretions. How embarrassing will it be to see HIM next week?

I feel stupid, but everyone is validating me and making me feel better. I mean, I am not totally psycho. I did not go one single time to the doctor or even call a nurse one time when I had 5 or 6 bouts of spotting. I am not a freak. I wasn't even crying last night. I was just thinking better safe than sorry. But still, I think they think I'm a crazy infertile who can't relax. I hate feeling this way, but somehow calling myself PW (pants wetter) has somehow softened the humiliation.

So, here are the two more expensive sono pics you will ever see:

One more update on the goiter/'C' word drama:

Evil Dr. G’s nurse called yesterday in the morning. He recommended Dr. L (who is another surgeon at the Cancer Center). So, I called Dr. G’s referral nurse, who did not have me on her to-do list yet. Nice, huh? So, she had to go through my entire file looking for notes. And when I told her I wanted to switch surgeons she got all defensive and said she’d have to check with Dr. G and perhaps inferred that I was overreacting because all I was having done was an aspiration which was not technically surgery. Well, I explained to her, in kind of vague terms how I was ‘shocked’ and ‘emotional’ the day that Dr. G told me about this and I was in no position to make a decision that day, and how I called my OB because I have only seen Dr. G twice and this is who my OB recommended. What I wanted to say was … I could care less who Dr. G recommends, because I will not ever be seeing him again. But I thought they could figure that out themselves when I call to have my records transferred. Anyway, she wanted to ask when was a good time. I told her my schedule is complicated and asked if she could just have Dr. L’s office call me to set it up, and she got all huffy and said, Well, I WILL need to give them a phone number so they can contact you. Um, seriously, b*tch, THIS is the reason I am leaving your crappy office in the dust. But, in the end, she got friendlier, and said I should hear from Dr. L’s office in the next two weeks.

Dr. L’s nurse called later in the day, and the soonest she could get me in was December. I questioned her a little, like are you not more concerned this might spread. She said they didn’t have the radiologist report yet, but after they got it, Dr. L would review it and if he was concerned, he would double book to get me in sooner. She called back later with an opening on Monday, but I’m out of town for work that day, so she said she would just keep me on her cancellation list. But in all likelihood, it very well may be the first of the year before I know whether or not I have 'cancer' - Lovely.