Long Time Gone

Wow. 4 months since my last post. Wow.

It's a combination of the speed of life in Dallas, and the fact that our ultra small condo does not allow much alone time for me, and I somehow don't like to blog in front of DH. Weird, huh?


I really do love our life here. I love my job. Love my new boss. He is, in a word, brilliant. But so much more. He's really making me feel included and inviting me to participate and to be his partner, which is what I so desperately needed and was missing in my last position. I know I made a good choice. Can't imagine being in Wichita today. No way!

DH has not yet found a job, so he is still staying home every day with the boys. They are walking now. Still no words, but they definitely are smart cookies. Jack stands in front of the fridge when he wants a drink, and walks to the changing table in his bedroom when I ask him if he wants his pants changed. He will pucker up for a kiss, and start taking off his shirt if you ask him for it. Will doesn't seem to have the same grasp on language, but I'm not worried. He's smart in other, more devious ways. Like figuring out how to climb on top of things to reach things on the counter. Or how to put one of mommy's flip flops on his own foot. He's so demanding and task-oriented. He likes to take my shoes off while I'm standing in them! So he can try to put them back on. I definitely see some parenting books in my future for that little dude! So determined. So like me! And I had always blamed all my bad behavior on being an only child. Apparently....its genetics!

I am scheduled to meet my new endocrinologist on September 1st. He will measure my blood levels, and perhaps schedule a scan so we can see whether or not the radiation in March irradicated the big C. I don't hardly ever think about it, which is good, since there's nothing I can do, really. But sometimes I worry its spread to my jaw or my skin. It's kind of a curse, this diagnosis of mine. Makes you feel susceptible to things, just brings your own mortality into the forefront. Not where it belongs.

We're waiting to make a final decision on whether or not we thaw out the totsicles until we get this cancer diagnosis behind us. I'd like to have one more, maybe, but then we'd need a different car, more money, more time, etc. And we really do have a good deal with the boys. I don't want to be greedy. Don't really want to risk having another child who is less than healthy. These two little miracles are more than enough. I still am in awe that they are here. Of course I get tired and impatient and desperate for more personal time. Of course. But I look at their little faces, and I see them learning and growing and they are just true miracles. My little dudes. And I am grateful and happy. I don't need another child to be happy. I got the dream I never thought would come true.