Monday, October 19, 2009

this and that

Don't feel much like working today at work. I've been keeping my schedule open for an acquisition which will / might be taking over my time. But got word this morning it might be on hold, which was demotivating...

I sold my beloved car this weekend. When I bought it, I thought it was an investment for our family - a larger vehicle we would need. And I keep trying to convince myself it was a wise choice, back then. Before one baby became two, before my husband quit his job and took a lower paying one, before cancer, before the economy took away raises and bonuses and job security. I found it poignant that immediately after the new owners drove off in my 'baby' we took the twins to BRU.

We are still working on solid foods at our house. Some days they literally inhale spoonfuls of anything. And then other days, like yesterday, they can't hardly choke down a teaspoon. They seem to do better during the week when they're in their routine at daycare. But I like living in the moment and letting them hang out in pajamas until afternoon on weekends. We did buy them some handles for their bottles at BRU, with the hopes that they can start working on their fine motor skills and hold their own bottles soon. Selfish? Absolutely! But also an important step toward the sippy cup.

My in-laws stopped by for a visit yesterday. I believe it was the 6th time they've seen the boys in 6 months. And with them, they had a ginormous box of gifts! Six, yes SIX!, Leap Frog Baby animatronic toys - two dogs, one elephant, one line, one spider, and a piano. I have some mixed feelings about their compensating...I mean, generosity...it just seemed like...so much. I'm happy my boys will have generous grandparents who spoil them. But...something in the back of my brain is thinking we should put some of these toys away in the closet. I mean, they can plan with their feet for hours. So, these light-up, noise-making, sing-song toys might be a little bit of overload all at once.

I joined the Y two weeks ago. And have been 3 times. The only time I think I can go is at lunch, but then I end up working through lunch or running errands - because they're just so much easier on my own. So, no progress on my baby/cancer weight.

And one last thought, I am still disappointed when I get my period. I'm still infertile. Yes, I have these two miraculous babies who are the LOVE.OF.MY.LIFE. But DH and I simply cannot conceive without medical intervention. We can have all the unprotected sex we want. And even though I totally am not ready, and shouldn't be pregnant for a year after my radiation treatment....I'm still disappointed when cycle day 1 rolls around. Weird, huh?

Oh, and in case I have any pride left after all of the fabulous things I shared here. Will spit up on me at 4am this morning, and it got in my hair, and I was too tired to take a shower this morning, so I am walking around the office with crusty spit-up hair. It's hidden in a pony tail, but still...

4 comments:

Kymberli said...

I hear you with the period thing. It's a little backwards with me, seeing as how I have PCOS, my cycles are horribly irregular and go on for day after day without getting a CD1. Though I am finished having my own children and cycling for surrogacy keeps everything in line with meds, it frustrates me horribly that I just can't be NORMAL. I don't necessarily need "normal" anymore the way I did when ttc. Some frustrations never die.

Erin said...

I totally agree. I in no way am ready for more children - not sure if I ever will be (the last thing I can think about now is hundreds of shots), but when CD1 hits, I sure feel sad and pissed.

JamieD said...

I get sort of bummed when I think about my cycles starting again. It doesn't surprise me that those CD1 feelings still hang around.

I hope the boys take to their solids and handles soon! I am sort of torn between wanting my boy to grow up and play with me and wanting him to stay tiny forever.

Sushilover said...

What?! Babies R Us has handles for bottles! Why didn't anyone tell me this!